1 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:01,790 put a snow in Chicago I don't know what 2 00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:04,890 happened but it happened and it's ending 3 00:00:10,490 --> 00:00:07,230 we're getting like five more inches soon 4 00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:10,500 - it's just nuts but it's pretty it's 5 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:11,580 got to be cold it might as well be 6 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:14,190 pretty it's what I think so anyways I 7 00:00:17,390 --> 00:00:15,960 should tell you guys what this program 8 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:17,400 is about this show is about bringing 9 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:19,529 outlandish and interesting topics to the 10 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:21,510 forefront from aliens angels ghosts 11 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:24,330 demons holy encounters a shadow people 12 00:00:29,269 --> 00:00:27,330 to Bigfoot to the outlandish I always 13 00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:29,279 say if it's weird we're here and now you 14 00:00:33,889 --> 00:00:31,740 are - and if you don't know who I am 15 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:33,899 when it comes to the outlandish I'm 16 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:35,880 someone who has been there seen that 17 00:00:40,850 --> 00:00:38,489 experienced it freaked out found some 18 00:00:43,069 --> 00:00:40,860 answers wrote about it got over it and 19 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:43,079 now I'm hoping to help others do the 20 00:00:49,069 --> 00:00:45,570 same darn thing and understand this 21 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:49,079 crazy world of ours if you dare I invite 22 00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:51,510 you to visit my main website which is 23 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:55,020 Heidi Hollis calm I have all sorts of 24 00:01:00,349 --> 00:00:56,399 things on there that you may find 25 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:00,359 intriguing YouTube Facebook Twitter all 26 00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:02,250 that good stuff and I want to tell you 27 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:04,949 guys how you can hear this program which 28 00:01:11,719 --> 00:01:07,170 is unique and cool within itself we've 29 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:11,729 got a wonderful app irn app inception 30 00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:14,310 radio network and most of the people 31 00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:16,619 listen through the app which is kind of 32 00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:19,680 cool but it limits the people that 33 00:01:25,490 --> 00:01:21,270 listen to the show live but that's okay 34 00:01:28,219 --> 00:01:25,500 I love that you guys listen good and 35 00:01:30,230 --> 00:01:28,229 there's also a number you can call so 36 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:30,240 you don't have to dial into your 37 00:01:35,569 --> 00:01:32,490 internet or anything you could just dial 38 00:01:38,990 --> 00:01:35,579 a number seven one two seven seven zero 39 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:39,000 88 88 and I also welcome you guys to 40 00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:41,579 call in to the program while we're going 41 00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:44,220 live if you'd like if you're around one 42 00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:46,920 eight eight eight nine one nine 23:55 or 43 00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:50,100 go on skype find inception radio network 44 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:52,680 and MJ will pass a lot at you comments 45 00:01:59,149 --> 00:01:55,530 and questions and then the chat room 46 00:02:02,929 --> 00:01:59,159 which is very lively is going on as well 47 00:02:05,389 --> 00:02:02,939 ir n chat comm you could join the people 48 00:02:07,219 --> 00:02:05,399 in there who are chatting it up right 49 00:02:09,499 --> 00:02:07,229 now and if you have a question for me 50 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:09,509 put your question in caps and i can more 51 00:02:16,690 --> 00:02:12,350 easily catch it and 52 00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:16,700 myself or the guests so you guys this is 53 00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:18,920 gonna be a fun show tonight it's gonna 54 00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:20,840 be fun and you know sometimes I do the 55 00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:23,480 outlandish corner tonight I thought I'd 56 00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:26,000 skip that and that's where I answer your 57 00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:28,190 your emails your comments your questions 58 00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:29,750 your experiences anything out of the 59 00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:31,550 ordinary whatever it is that you're 60 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:34,460 experiencing out there and I dress it 61 00:02:37,870 --> 00:02:35,690 for the first 30 minutes of the show 62 00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:37,880 tonight we're gonna not do that I know I 63 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:40,460 have tons of your emails yet but we're 64 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:42,410 gonna chat with a special guest but I 65 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:45,170 still welcome you to send your emails on 66 00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:47,210 over to dust 67 00:02:53,890 --> 00:02:50,660 Outlander that's das as in Sam Outlander 68 00:02:55,750 --> 00:02:53,900 at gmail.com and trust me I get to those 69 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:55,760 emails and you know what make them as 70 00:02:58,960 --> 00:02:57,470 big as you want because it just seems 71 00:03:01,270 --> 00:02:58,970 like the more that you tell me and 72 00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:01,280 explain to the audience the more that we 73 00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:03,020 actually really get to have a good 74 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:04,880 understanding and you know a lot of 75 00:03:09,460 --> 00:03:06,410 people are apologizing I'm so sorry this 76 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:09,470 is so big I'm like no no keep it coming 77 00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:13,010 it's it's fantastic so yes so we're 78 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:15,200 gonna forego that and I am going to go 79 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:18,530 right now I'm going to read the bio of 80 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:21,170 my special guest for this evening yes 81 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:22,730 you've never heard of before because 82 00:03:26,890 --> 00:03:24,230 it's a brand new book that just came out 83 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:26,900 Paul Allen's she holds a Bachelor of 84 00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:28,850 Arts degree from Sam Houston State 85 00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:31,100 University her career of more than 40 86 00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:32,750 years includes high school English 87 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:33,260 teacher 88 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:36,160 everybody mind your manners with your 89 00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:38,810 partner and a woman-owned business 90 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:40,400 national manager for a worldwide 91 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:42,590 engineering firm an executive director 92 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:45,890 director at a major Houston Association 93 00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:48,110 she has been a business speaker for many 94 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:50,030 years including presentations to Sam 95 00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:51,860 Houston State University and business 96 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:53,360 conferences such as women and 97 00:03:58,380 --> 00:03:55,910 transportation Texas State Conference 98 00:04:01,120 --> 00:03:58,390 and Paula published her first book in 99 00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:01,130 2017 in honor of her deceased brother 100 00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:04,940 called driving into infinity living with 101 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:08,720 my brother's spirit and I have to tell 102 00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:10,760 you let's give a warm round of applause 103 00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:12,560 for her Paula lives there going crazy 104 00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:16,120 Paula how are you doing this evening 105 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:20,060 hello Heidi I'm doing great 106 00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:22,520 I see so much thank you so much for 107 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:25,340 having me on your show of course my 108 00:04:28,210 --> 00:04:25,910 goodness 109 00:04:31,030 --> 00:04:28,220 yeah this is this is fantastic I love 110 00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:31,040 talking about what your book is about 111 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:33,920 and it's quite unique so I I think 112 00:04:38,590 --> 00:04:36,110 people are really going to enjoy this so 113 00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:38,600 tell us a little bit about yourself and 114 00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:41,720 what brought you to finally write this 115 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:43,100 book because we've talked before this 116 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:45,830 show and took you little time to get to 117 00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:48,340 it but you know what brought you to it 118 00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:52,750 well yes it took me almost 35 years 119 00:05:02,800 --> 00:04:56,660 before I wrote this book to tell my 120 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:02,810 story and the the incident that I you 121 00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:05,390 know prompted me to write this book took 122 00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:13,070 place in 1983 and at the time that this 123 00:05:21,130 --> 00:05:17,390 experience happened and and all of the 124 00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:21,140 ensuing years with all these different 125 00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:25,040 experiences that happened to me there 126 00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:29,390 were really only a few people a couple 127 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:32,780 of my closest friends who knew anything 128 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:36,980 about these incidents that happened to 129 00:05:47,850 --> 00:05:45,650 me I didn't want to appear crazy or you 130 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:47,860 know have people think that I was just 131 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:50,750 still in grief and couldn't get over 132 00:05:58,659 --> 00:05:55,970 this whole thing so that's the other 133 00:06:00,820 --> 00:05:58,669 thing is you know I did spend 40 years 134 00:06:06,270 --> 00:06:00,830 in the world of business I was a 135 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:06,280 business woman and you know again it 136 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:11,210 just wasn't in my world the thing to do 137 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:14,300 to talk about these experiences that had 138 00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:19,640 happened to me but when I retired about 139 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:23,000 two years ago some of these friends of 140 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:25,610 mine said you know you really need to 141 00:06:35,469 --> 00:06:30,050 write your story and I thought about 142 00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:35,479 that and I decided you know what I have 143 00:06:40,119 --> 00:06:38,600 lots of business associates they know me 144 00:06:42,909 --> 00:06:40,129 for who I am 145 00:06:47,169 --> 00:06:42,919 they know I'm not crazy I'm not real 146 00:06:49,329 --> 00:06:47,179 weirded out there I'm just 147 00:06:51,669 --> 00:06:49,339 I operate like everyone else in the 148 00:06:56,339 --> 00:06:51,679 world of business and I thought you know 149 00:07:02,709 --> 00:06:56,349 it's really time for me to get authentic 150 00:07:06,129 --> 00:07:02,719 about this other side of me and these 151 00:07:08,559 --> 00:07:06,139 experiences that have happened to me and 152 00:07:12,070 --> 00:07:08,569 and so part of that was you know 153 00:07:15,639 --> 00:07:12,080 becoming authentic but the other part 154 00:07:19,629 --> 00:07:15,649 was that I really wanted to share my 155 00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:19,639 story in order to help people who have 156 00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:23,269 lost those people that they they really 157 00:07:30,939 --> 00:07:27,889 loved and in many ways if it's happened 158 00:07:34,049 --> 00:07:30,949 you know suddenly and tragically the way 159 00:07:37,329 --> 00:07:34,059 this accident happened to my brother 160 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:37,339 people are just in shock 161 00:07:45,429 --> 00:07:41,839 when things like happen and you can't 162 00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:45,439 realize the depth of that kind of shock 163 00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:50,740 and so I wanted to share what I 164 00:07:58,239 --> 00:07:54,740 experienced and in the hopes that people 165 00:08:02,980 --> 00:07:58,249 reading this information would be 166 00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:02,990 comforted by what has happened between 167 00:08:08,019 --> 00:08:05,179 my brother and I all these years 168 00:08:10,779 --> 00:08:08,029 especially when you I mean we all know 169 00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:10,789 those that have lost loved ones and they 170 00:08:16,239 --> 00:08:12,740 feel you know their world is falling 171 00:08:18,489 --> 00:08:16,249 apart and it's like no there's so much 172 00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:18,499 more it it must have been so confining 173 00:08:22,989 --> 00:08:20,689 for you though I know how it is when 174 00:08:27,399 --> 00:08:22,999 you've experienced something absolutely 175 00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:27,409 mind-blowing and not feel that you can 176 00:08:30,999 --> 00:08:29,209 turn to the people closest to you to 177 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:31,009 vent about what does you experiencing 178 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:34,250 and that be able to relate so it had to 179 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:36,560 be frustrating for a long time for you 180 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:42,169 though well it was but you know through 181 00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:46,250 the years I learned to operate that way 182 00:08:53,319 --> 00:08:50,180 and be okay with it my life was busy 183 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:53,329 with work and other things and along the 184 00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:53,870 way 185 00:08:58,269 --> 00:08:56,300 all these other things happen to me and 186 00:09:00,690 --> 00:08:58,279 again you know I have some of these 187 00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:00,700 lifelong friends that I've shared those 188 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:05,630 experiences with your own example of of 189 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:08,990 how to be a normal person and have 190 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:11,620 extraordinary things happen so hey 191 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:16,880 that's right I mean who knows how many 192 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:19,370 other people are out there in similar 193 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:21,160 situations you know they've had 194 00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:23,510 experiences but they don't really talk 195 00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:25,520 about it and maybe only a few people 196 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:27,800 know about it but you know I do have to 197 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:31,100 say that now that I've written the book 198 00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:36,010 and this has all come out I've been 199 00:09:44,829 --> 00:09:40,460 pleasantly surprised by the support that 200 00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:44,839 I've had from many people not just ran 201 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:48,200 to knew my brother or or me but you know 202 00:09:54,579 --> 00:09:52,430 business associates and so it is 203 00:09:57,850 --> 00:09:54,589 different now to be able to speak about 204 00:10:01,630 --> 00:09:57,860 that the world has changed greatly I 205 00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:01,640 mean huge so tell us a you know what 206 00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:04,400 what how did this all begin for you what 207 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:09,260 what took place in 83 that changed our 208 00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:10,690 whole world 209 00:10:17,019 --> 00:10:14,120 well let me let me start by taking 210 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:17,029 everybody back in time to actually the 211 00:10:24,579 --> 00:10:22,700 year 1982 and this was a time of course 212 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:24,589 it was years before the internet was 213 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:30,290 available but it begins with a recurring 214 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:33,410 dream that I started having in the fall 215 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:37,550 of 1982 and I'm gonna take I'm gonna 216 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:40,190 take some excerpts from my book as I 217 00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:44,150 describe some of these things but this 218 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:48,470 this recurring dream went on through the 219 00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:54,230 summer of 1983 so the dream is I found 220 00:11:01,150 --> 00:10:57,380 myself outside on a wide expanse of 221 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:01,160 fields with a few rolling hills and some 222 00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:04,610 trees and a large crowd of people had 223 00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:07,470 gathered there someone near me 224 00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:10,200 asked what was happening and I replied 225 00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:13,220 that I heard it was the end of the world 226 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:16,230 everyone was looking up at the sky and 227 00:11:24,290 --> 00:11:21,090 there appeared Jesus and in the moment 228 00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:24,300 when that happened I doubled over 229 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:28,020 falling down to the ground I was 230 00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:31,130 experiencing the worst pain of my life 231 00:11:38,570 --> 00:11:35,220 but it was not physical pain it was 232 00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:38,580 heartfelt suffering and agony beyond 233 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:43,200 words and as I was doubled over I kept 234 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:46,530 saying but it isn't supposed to be this 235 00:11:53,690 --> 00:11:49,830 way I thought the end of the world was 236 00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:53,700 supposed to be joyous and then the dream 237 00:11:59,180 --> 00:11:56,640 would end and you know each and every 238 00:12:05,480 --> 00:11:59,190 time I would just be startled awake by 239 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:05,490 this dream and then he's gonna 240 00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:10,890 fast-forward to Friday October the 7th 241 00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:19,620 in 1983 as I was driving I suddenly had 242 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:23,240 a very strange sharp pain in my chest 243 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:25,380 around my heart area 244 00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:29,550 I remember glancing at the car clock to 245 00:12:35,410 --> 00:12:32,040 determine how much time we had left to 246 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:35,420 get to our meeting now in this scenario 247 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:38,220 my husband was with me and we were on 248 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:40,260 our way to a meeting but I was driving 249 00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:43,080 because I was going to use the car to go 250 00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:47,640 elsewhere it later but the car clock 251 00:12:56,030 --> 00:12:52,260 said 9:00 a.m. although I said nothing 252 00:13:00,890 --> 00:12:56,040 to my husband I was experiencing ear an 253 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:00,900 alarm that continued pain in my heart 254 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:01,770 area 255 00:13:08,180 --> 00:13:05,970 I was only thirty years old but I 256 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:08,190 wondered if I could be on my way to a 257 00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:11,670 heart attack or a blood clot as I 258 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:15,000 continued driving eventually the pain 259 00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:18,390 began to fade slowly but I could not 260 00:13:23,829 --> 00:13:20,720 forget about it I was 261 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:23,839 frightened by that episode so as I'm 262 00:13:29,759 --> 00:13:26,689 driving along just all of a sudden right 263 00:13:37,139 --> 00:13:29,769 over my heart area I just got this this 264 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:43,449 so then Friday October 7th of 1983 is 265 00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:46,879 the day that I learned about my younger 266 00:13:54,990 --> 00:13:49,670 brother Dawn's fatal accident while he 267 00:14:00,460 --> 00:13:55,000 was driving a company truck Wow 268 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:00,470 so when I was told what happened I had 269 00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:03,290 this vision of the earth 270 00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:06,680 just falling falling falling and 271 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:10,300 shattering at my feet 272 00:14:18,579 --> 00:14:13,430 then I slumped down toward the ground 273 00:14:23,410 --> 00:14:18,589 crying and then that day I understood 274 00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:23,420 what the dream was conveying to me the 275 00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:26,540 setting which I when this happened I was 276 00:14:32,249 --> 00:14:29,329 at the Greek Festival at the Greek 277 00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:32,259 Orthodox Church in Houston where I lived 278 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:35,149 okay and my emotional reaction to the 279 00:14:43,319 --> 00:14:39,680 news of his death prior to that though I 280 00:14:49,119 --> 00:14:43,329 had never had any precognitive dreams 281 00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:49,129 so it was describing to me as I said the 282 00:14:58,660 --> 00:14:52,430 setting the emotions that I was going to 283 00:15:02,499 --> 00:14:58,670 feel right and and even the vision that 284 00:15:05,619 --> 00:15:02,509 I had in my mind's eye as I was told 285 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:05,629 about this you know it was just this 286 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:08,000 vision of the earth falling and 287 00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:10,370 shattering and you know in the dream 288 00:15:24,639 --> 00:15:14,360 that's what the end of the world was it 289 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:24,649 was shattered so you know my feelings 290 00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:28,939 over this loss really amounted to I was 291 00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:33,559 just destroyed were you destroyed to the 292 00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:35,870 point of a 293 00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:40,860 yeah okay yeah I experienced a lot of 294 00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:44,670 anger and and and I do explain that to 295 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:49,460 in my book but one of the things as I 296 00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:51,720 described here is how you know our 297 00:15:58,880 --> 00:15:55,320 family eventually learned the details of 298 00:16:03,530 --> 00:15:58,890 the accident Donny had driven the 299 00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:03,540 company truck into the side of a train a 300 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:07,230 second engine as it crossed the tracks 301 00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:11,010 at clay station on highway 50 now this 302 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:15,000 was my brother lived in Bryan Texas and 303 00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:18,690 he had been on his way to a job and so 304 00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:24,320 this was west of Bryan on a country road 305 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:27,660 but the train then dragged his truck 306 00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:29,850 down the tracks another quarter mile 307 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:34,350 before coming to a stop well his truck 308 00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:38,040 also hit the train signal pole as his 309 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:42,240 vehicle was dry dragged the signal 310 00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:44,700 lights were still working and still 311 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:48,300 flashing even as the pole lay on the 312 00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:51,450 ground the crossing is heavily wooded 313 00:16:58,880 --> 00:16:54,360 along both sides of the track right up 314 00:17:01,670 --> 00:16:58,890 to the pavement edge a man driving on 315 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:01,680 the same Road but further behind 316 00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:04,800 Donnie's truck made a statement to the 317 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:08,220 police investigating the accident he 318 00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:10,040 stated that as far as he could tell 319 00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:15,390 Donnie had not been speeding the local 320 00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:18,540 newspaper published a front-page article 321 00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:21,720 about the accident complete with a huge 322 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:25,380 photo of the crushed truck at the scene 323 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:31,010 and you know no one can imagine how 324 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:35,610 horrible that was for our family to see 325 00:17:43,820 --> 00:17:40,410 this picture and you know the idea I 326 00:17:45,770 --> 00:17:43,830 talk about this in the book how you know 327 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:45,780 it's like how could he have such an 328 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:47,850 accident 329 00:17:59,140 --> 00:17:51,270 how could he have been so careless right 330 00:18:02,690 --> 00:17:59,150 what made him not be cognizant of the 331 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:02,700 lights flashing at the train crossing 332 00:18:12,140 --> 00:18:07,530 and you know these these questions I 333 00:18:14,870 --> 00:18:12,150 asked myself those things made me angry 334 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:14,880 did he just throw caution to the wind 335 00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:17,370 and and think oh well there's not a 336 00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:19,620 train here you know what what happened 337 00:18:26,299 --> 00:18:22,980 at this scene yeah yeah yeah you know I 338 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:26,309 have to say I live here in Chicago and I 339 00:18:31,159 --> 00:18:27,750 am not kidding you it seems like every 340 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:31,169 other week somebody crosses the train 341 00:18:35,870 --> 00:18:33,450 tracks and gets hit with the lights 342 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:35,880 flashing and everything like I don't I 343 00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:38,370 don't understand it and nine times out 344 00:18:43,159 --> 00:18:39,870 of ten you know everything worked fine 345 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:43,169 it's like why and how did that happen 346 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:46,530 it's I know a bizarre it's bizarre and 347 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:49,080 it's sad it's tragic I'm sorry for your 348 00:18:58,310 --> 00:18:54,530 loss of that well you know one of 349 00:19:02,120 --> 00:18:58,320 Donnie's really good friends very close 350 00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:02,130 friends and I relate this in the book 351 00:19:08,659 --> 00:19:05,880 too he he told me that he just couldn't 352 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:08,669 understand either how that could have 353 00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:11,850 happened and a couple of days after the 354 00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:16,860 funeral he drove to the site where it 355 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:22,830 had happened and he knew that you know 356 00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:25,530 Donnie was driving to this job site he 357 00:19:31,159 --> 00:19:29,070 had decided to take a different career 358 00:19:34,779 --> 00:19:31,169 path he graduated from Texas A&M 359 00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:34,789 University and building construction and 360 00:19:39,529 --> 00:19:37,140 was working for a company a couple of 361 00:19:41,539 --> 00:19:39,539 years there being kind of a building 362 00:19:43,310 --> 00:19:41,549 building superintendent for commercial 363 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:43,320 buildings and one of those that was 364 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:45,210 blowing up was in this other town of 365 00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:48,270 Brenham that's why he was traveling this 366 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:50,940 road turned Brian to Brenham but he had 367 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:53,760 decided he wanted to go back to am and 368 00:20:01,740 --> 00:19:56,130 he actually wanted to become a professor 369 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:01,750 he was very smart but 370 00:20:09,130 --> 00:20:05,510 he decided that particular day he only 371 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:09,140 had another week of work because he had 372 00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:11,090 already resigned and you know was going 373 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:17,030 to pursue that new pathway but he didn't 374 00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:19,010 even have to drive out to the job site 375 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:21,350 that day he actually had taken that day 376 00:20:26,380 --> 00:20:23,740 off but at the last minute he decided 377 00:20:28,690 --> 00:20:26,390 because he told my sister this he was 378 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:28,700 living at his house with him while she 379 00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:32,810 was attending am mm-hmm he said I'm I'm 380 00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:35,420 going to drive out to the job site and 381 00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:38,390 help the new project superintendent with 382 00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:40,820 you know some of the paperwork hey so 383 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:42,140 I'm just going to do that I'm going to 384 00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:43,730 help him and then I'm going to come back 385 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:45,980 and you know he was telling her just 386 00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:47,570 leave the dirty dishes he'll take care 387 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:53,180 of when I do that and you know so it's 388 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:55,010 just all strange how the circumstances 389 00:21:00,070 --> 00:20:56,990 all came together like this 390 00:21:02,050 --> 00:21:00,080 but right that was typical of him he was 391 00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:02,060 a really good guy and he wanted to help 392 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:05,990 this new guy out so that's why he was 393 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:09,250 going out there and a spontaneous guy - 394 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:12,650 yeah and the thing of it is normally he 395 00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:15,170 was on that road very very early in the 396 00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:19,190 morning and this particular time he he 397 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:21,830 was the accident happened at 9:00 a.m. 398 00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:23,960 in the morning but he normally would 399 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:26,150 have been you know on that road probably 400 00:21:34,450 --> 00:21:31,210 at 6:00 a.m. to get to the job site and 401 00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:34,460 so anyway this friend of his drove out 402 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:38,440 there and he said you know knowing dawn 403 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:42,410 he was probably as he was driving along 404 00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:44,090 he was thinking about all the things he 405 00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:46,700 wanted to do to help this new project 406 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:49,760 superintendent and going over those 407 00:21:54,190 --> 00:21:52,070 things in his mind and he said the other 408 00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:54,200 thing is with him being on this road at 409 00:21:58,930 --> 00:21:56,390 a different company he said most likely 410 00:22:01,750 --> 00:21:58,940 he'd never even seen a train at this 411 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:01,760 crossing and it's true it's true that 412 00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:05,000 the trees are very thick up to the edge 413 00:22:12,490 --> 00:22:07,780 both way both sides of that train track 414 00:22:14,860 --> 00:22:12,500 and he also said because it was October 415 00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:14,870 he said you know the son 416 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:18,590 was a lot more directly in his eyes he 417 00:22:22,990 --> 00:22:21,410 said I just think that he was just 418 00:22:25,630 --> 00:22:23,000 caught up in thinking about what he was 419 00:22:27,820 --> 00:22:25,640 going to do he came around this curve 420 00:22:30,580 --> 00:22:27,830 you know probably never really even 421 00:22:35,260 --> 00:22:30,590 realized that you know on the right side 422 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:35,270 the the lights were flashing and and 423 00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:37,490 then at the last second he did see the 424 00:22:43,810 --> 00:22:39,740 train because there were skid marks 425 00:22:46,210 --> 00:22:43,820 close to the railroad track okay gotcha 426 00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:46,220 only it not anticipated type of 427 00:22:54,310 --> 00:22:47,920 situation gotcha 428 00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:54,320 exactly but nevertheless you know it 429 00:23:03,930 --> 00:22:58,090 still brought anger to me 430 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:03,940 man oh so yeah and and the grief itself 431 00:23:12,460 --> 00:23:10,730 was just unbearable I comment in the 432 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:12,470 book and I remember thinking this to 433 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:15,170 myself that I just didn't know a human 434 00:23:25,180 --> 00:23:20,570 being could cry so many tears just I 435 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:25,190 just felt like I cried continuously I 436 00:23:32,860 --> 00:23:29,210 just couldn't stop I was just I didn't 437 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:32,870 know what was gonna happen to me now and 438 00:23:38,919 --> 00:23:36,170 of course you know my family but from 439 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:38,929 the book I share this you know every 440 00:23:44,020 --> 00:23:41,330 moment was sheer agony during those days 441 00:23:46,540 --> 00:23:44,030 and no words to adequately describe a 442 00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:46,550 broken heart so what do you think's 443 00:23:52,470 --> 00:23:48,710 start changing for you like how were you 444 00:23:55,110 --> 00:23:52,480 able to get through that time and and 445 00:24:00,580 --> 00:23:55,120 experience the extraordinary 446 00:24:03,850 --> 00:24:00,590 well that that took a while for me to 447 00:24:09,010 --> 00:24:03,860 really deal with the grief I mean a very 448 00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:09,020 well pageant you know in these days 449 00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:13,550 right before the the funeral you know I 450 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:17,230 just felt like I I moved in the days and 451 00:24:26,580 --> 00:24:22,429 I just barely slept you know people came 452 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:26,590 in and out at my at my dad's house and 453 00:24:31,030 --> 00:24:28,610 you know I don't know if people 454 00:24:33,610 --> 00:24:31,040 spoke to me or not I just couldn't even 455 00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:33,620 focus but on numbing it's like an 456 00:24:38,230 --> 00:24:36,320 out-of-body experience kind of I mean in 457 00:24:40,299 --> 00:24:38,240 all honesty when you have something 458 00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:40,309 tragic and you're just numb 459 00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:44,270 oh yeah yeah I just felt like I was so 460 00:24:50,650 --> 00:24:46,160 far away from everything that was 461 00:24:52,660 --> 00:24:50,660 happening but you know the and I was 462 00:24:55,330 --> 00:24:52,670 very close to my brother I have a sister 463 00:24:57,610 --> 00:24:55,340 as I mentioned she's tenure under my 464 00:25:01,659 --> 00:24:57,620 brother and I were only four years apart 465 00:25:04,980 --> 00:25:01,669 and you know I grew up with him versus I 466 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:04,990 was 10 when my sister was born okay yeah 467 00:25:10,110 --> 00:25:08,090 plus you know I kind of looked after my 468 00:25:14,970 --> 00:25:10,120 baby brother as we were growing up and 469 00:25:21,039 --> 00:25:14,980 you know all those things came into play 470 00:25:24,340 --> 00:25:21,049 but what happened was three days after 471 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:24,350 the funeral is when I had this 472 00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:27,770 experience with my brother and Donnie 473 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:32,390 came back to me while I was driving and 474 00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:36,130 I was actually driving his personal 475 00:25:44,770 --> 00:25:39,799 small truck at the time he he was killed 476 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:44,780 in the company truck Wow but and that's 477 00:25:50,890 --> 00:25:47,710 how I came up with the title of the book 478 00:25:52,870 --> 00:25:50,900 you know driving into infinity and then 479 00:25:58,590 --> 00:25:52,880 living with my brother's spirit because 480 00:26:04,480 --> 00:25:58,600 he was driving when he was killed I was 481 00:26:10,060 --> 00:26:04,490 driving and I was driving his truck when 482 00:26:12,310 --> 00:26:10,070 he came back to me and I have to ask you 483 00:26:15,070 --> 00:26:12,320 something real quick no have you ever 484 00:26:17,049 --> 00:26:15,080 heard of after all these years had you 485 00:26:21,610 --> 00:26:17,059 been probably looking into this topic as 486 00:26:23,620 --> 00:26:21,620 well that when people come back the 487 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:23,630 spirit of a person comes to visit it's 488 00:26:29,650 --> 00:26:26,570 as if they come around close around the 489 00:26:33,039 --> 00:26:29,660 time that they were they lost their 490 00:26:35,799 --> 00:26:33,049 lives or were put to rest and it's 491 00:26:38,020 --> 00:26:35,809 almost as if it's a it's a comforting 492 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:38,030 thing and you know to try to get a 493 00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:40,250 person to move on it's like I don't 494 00:26:45,430 --> 00:26:42,950 don't hear these extraordinary stories 495 00:26:48,370 --> 00:26:45,440 so much you know 1020 years after they 496 00:26:53,070 --> 00:26:48,380 passed it's always rather fresh have you 497 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:53,080 heard of that pattern going on actually 498 00:27:02,290 --> 00:26:57,770 I've done a lot of reading through the 499 00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:02,300 years and there are you know quite a few 500 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:05,720 instances where that does happen you 501 00:27:15,220 --> 00:27:08,930 know the one who's passed on reaches out 502 00:27:18,430 --> 00:27:15,230 to people who loved them and I believe 503 00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:18,440 that yep you know obviously they do this 504 00:27:26,050 --> 00:27:23,240 because they don't want their loved ones 505 00:27:29,530 --> 00:27:26,060 to be sad and the criterion seeing all 506 00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:29,540 this grieve and I believe because my 507 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:31,360 brother and I had always been so close 508 00:27:41,430 --> 00:27:36,170 you know I know this is why he reached 509 00:27:45,490 --> 00:27:41,440 out to me and I actually had an 510 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:45,500 experience in my mind's eye even when I 511 00:27:51,780 --> 00:27:48,110 was sitting in a chair at my dad's house 512 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:51,790 as people came to visit and that was 513 00:27:59,950 --> 00:27:57,770 that I bough it before I'm sorry before 514 00:28:03,370 --> 00:27:59,960 after the funeral that you have that 515 00:28:05,770 --> 00:28:03,380 well this was before the funeral before 516 00:28:07,660 --> 00:28:05,780 the funeral okay yeah cuz we only have a 517 00:28:09,580 --> 00:28:07,670 few seconds before free it's a break so 518 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:09,590 I want to I want to go into that a 519 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:11,450 little bit more and where you could 520 00:28:16,180 --> 00:28:14,690 break down your whole experience go to 521 00:28:17,470 --> 00:28:16,190 our break right now you guys are 522 00:28:21,270 --> 00:28:17,480 listening to me Heidi Hollis the 523 00:28:25,660 --> 00:28:23,740 welcome back everybody you're listening 524 00:28:27,070 --> 00:28:25,670 to me Heidi how's the Outlander 525 00:28:28,690 --> 00:28:27,080 remembering always if it's weird we're 526 00:28:30,610 --> 00:28:28,700 here and we're giving you advice and 527 00:28:32,410 --> 00:28:30,620 insight on outlandish topics and the 528 00:28:33,910 --> 00:28:32,420 phone lines are always open I know you 529 00:28:35,260 --> 00:28:33,920 guys are not afraid I just know that 530 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:35,270 most you guys are listening through the 531 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:38,060 app at other times but one eight eight 532 00:28:44,290 --> 00:28:41,270 eight nine one nine 23:55 I have paulo 533 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:44,300 lins and we're having a really in-depth 534 00:28:48,970 --> 00:28:46,970 conversation that's really about to get 535 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:48,980 even more interesting but I want to put 536 00:28:52,780 --> 00:28:51,410 out your website so people can learn 537 00:28:54,130 --> 00:28:52,790 more about your book and how they could 538 00:28:58,840 --> 00:28:54,140 purchase it Paula 539 00:29:01,270 --> 00:28:58,850 mention the site address yes well they 540 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:01,280 can just type in you know it's HTTP 541 00:29:10,630 --> 00:29:06,250 colon forward slash and it's tinyurl.com 542 00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:10,640 forward slash Paul Allen's no space in 543 00:29:21,430 --> 00:29:18,350 there that's le and Z tau la l e in Z 544 00:29:27,790 --> 00:29:21,440 like zebra yeah I keep one to put a T in 545 00:29:29,830 --> 00:29:27,800 there I don't know why I believe it I 546 00:29:31,690 --> 00:29:29,840 believe it so we're just about to get 547 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:31,700 into you know what it is the exactly 548 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:33,290 experience this was soon after your 549 00:29:38,470 --> 00:29:35,330 brother who was just 26 you mentioned 550 00:29:40,540 --> 00:29:38,480 down the break when he ran it it went 551 00:29:42,910 --> 00:29:40,550 across a train track and got hit by 552 00:29:46,090 --> 00:29:42,920 train and dragged and and unfortunately 553 00:29:49,630 --> 00:29:46,100 lost his young life and he said now the 554 00:29:52,690 --> 00:29:49,640 first experience you had was before his 555 00:29:56,310 --> 00:29:52,700 funeral at your parents home what 556 00:29:58,840 --> 00:29:56,320 happened exactly well this was just a 557 00:30:00,460 --> 00:29:58,850 feeling that I had and kind of something 558 00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:00,470 in my mind's eye but as I was sitting 559 00:30:07,810 --> 00:30:04,910 there in a chair I I just instinctively 560 00:30:12,190 --> 00:30:07,820 knew maybe I just felt my brother's 561 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:12,200 presence up in the right-hand corner of 562 00:30:19,870 --> 00:30:15,710 the living room and I knew he was I'll 563 00:30:24,670 --> 00:30:19,880 just say hovering there and I looked up 564 00:30:31,810 --> 00:30:24,680 there and I just kept asking him why why 565 00:30:35,890 --> 00:30:31,820 why and then eventually you know he he 566 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:35,900 went away but then as I was you know 567 00:30:43,810 --> 00:30:40,130 starting to into the experience itself 568 00:30:46,570 --> 00:30:43,820 that I had directly with him that was 569 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:46,580 three days after the funeral itself and 570 00:30:53,830 --> 00:30:50,330 which was a Wednesday and I had as I 571 00:30:56,620 --> 00:30:53,840 explained I had his truck his his 572 00:30:59,170 --> 00:30:56,630 personal truck that I was driving and so 573 00:31:01,600 --> 00:30:59,180 I began driving this familiar route to 574 00:31:03,850 --> 00:31:01,610 my grandparents house from my daddy's 575 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:03,860 which which took about ten to fifteen 576 00:31:10,919 --> 00:31:07,610 minutes to drive and when I was halfway 577 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:10,929 err progressive presents get pugs 578 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:12,890 inspiration to help you do insurance 579 00:31:18,010 --> 00:31:15,890 stuff okay time out you gotta let your 580 00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:18,020 budget be the boss of you take control 581 00:31:21,340 --> 00:31:19,340 with progressives name your price tool 582 00:31:22,570 --> 00:31:21,350 tell us what you want to pay for car 583 00:31:24,610 --> 00:31:22,580 insurance and we'll help you find 584 00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:24,620 options that fit your budget here's some 585 00:31:28,299 --> 00:31:26,510 music to get you pooped get out you 586 00:31:30,850 --> 00:31:28,309 don't don't--i don't gain gain I hear 587 00:31:32,950 --> 00:31:30,860 your budget laughing at you oh wait 588 00:31:35,169 --> 00:31:32,960 that's just those kids laughing at me 589 00:31:36,580 --> 00:31:35,179 ignore them don't hold interest of 590 00:31:37,930 --> 00:31:36,590 casualty insurance company in affiliates 591 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:37,940 pricing coverage not limited by state 592 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:41,090 law a strange thing began happening to 593 00:31:48,010 --> 00:31:45,650 me I suddenly developed 360 degree 594 00:31:53,710 --> 00:31:48,020 vision I could see everything around me 595 00:31:57,940 --> 00:31:53,720 in all directions as I was driving and 596 00:32:02,380 --> 00:31:57,950 at that moment I became aware of someone 597 00:32:05,980 --> 00:32:02,390 just behind me on the right side with 598 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:05,990 his hand on my shoulder and then I saw 599 00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:09,530 that it was Donnie and I could hear him 600 00:32:15,610 --> 00:32:12,440 speaking to me telepathically now I'm 601 00:32:17,919 --> 00:32:15,620 still driving and I got this 360-degree 602 00:32:25,270 --> 00:32:17,929 vision going on you could have invented 603 00:32:28,330 --> 00:32:25,280 the backup camera if you only well and 604 00:32:30,970 --> 00:32:28,340 so what I saw of Donnie's body was that 605 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:30,980 it was made up of a series of light 606 00:32:36,909 --> 00:32:34,370 points and this reminded me of people 607 00:32:38,710 --> 00:32:36,919 being transported on Star Trek as they 608 00:32:43,090 --> 00:32:38,720 were beamed away that's kind of the 609 00:32:46,539 --> 00:32:43,100 image that I had got it but I knew it 610 00:32:50,580 --> 00:32:46,549 was him you know I could see him but he 611 00:32:54,789 --> 00:32:50,590 told me telepathically not to be sad 612 00:32:57,610 --> 00:32:54,799 that he was happy and that he wanted me 613 00:33:02,440 --> 00:32:57,620 to know what life was like for him now 614 00:33:07,210 --> 00:33:02,450 and he explained to me that he was on 615 00:33:12,370 --> 00:33:07,220 another plane of being and that it had 616 00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:12,380 simply been time for him to leave and at 617 00:33:21,130 --> 00:33:16,880 this point I became aware that I was no 618 00:33:25,510 --> 00:33:21,140 longer in my body but existed 619 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:25,520 only in a state of consciousness and and 620 00:33:36,220 --> 00:33:29,170 I was no longer aware of driving at all 621 00:33:39,730 --> 00:33:36,230 so I was with him he kept his hand on my 622 00:33:42,850 --> 00:33:39,740 shoulder even though I became as I said 623 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:42,860 existed just in a state of consciousness 624 00:33:53,919 --> 00:33:47,450 and my entire focus at that point with 625 00:33:58,180 --> 00:33:53,929 him was on experiencing infinity and 626 00:34:05,669 --> 00:33:58,190 eternity that's what I felt you know I 627 00:34:09,190 --> 00:34:05,679 wasn't confined by a body anymore and so 628 00:34:13,780 --> 00:34:09,200 you know I felt that I was one with the 629 00:34:16,210 --> 00:34:13,790 universe and I was found totally one 630 00:34:20,919 --> 00:34:16,220 with peace that was the first thing that 631 00:34:23,470 --> 00:34:20,929 came over me was you know I I had the 632 00:34:26,700 --> 00:34:23,480 the thought about the peace that passes 633 00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:26,710 understanding just this overwhelming 634 00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:33,350 peace and and then I had the sensation 635 00:34:43,659 --> 00:34:37,190 that I was all knowledge I knew 636 00:34:49,510 --> 00:34:43,669 everything and then the third thing 637 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:49,520 began happening that I just felt this 638 00:35:01,450 --> 00:34:57,850 huge all-encompassing energy of love and 639 00:35:06,580 --> 00:35:01,460 this energy is what I I call spirit in 640 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:06,590 my book and can I ask so you're you're 641 00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:09,530 in this altered state but your space 642 00:35:20,710 --> 00:35:13,220 where you're at you're where exactly are 643 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:20,720 you well I I'm not certain I know that 644 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:24,170 when I first got into this state it was 645 00:35:31,150 --> 00:35:28,490 like I could see it was almost like 646 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:31,160 looking at a photo that a negative of a 647 00:35:34,599 --> 00:35:32,570 photo or something you know I kind of 648 00:35:35,020 --> 00:35:34,609 saw outlines of trees and things but 649 00:35:38,700 --> 00:35:35,030 then 650 00:35:47,620 --> 00:35:43,210 experiencing you know what I just talked 651 00:35:55,590 --> 00:35:47,630 about this piece that's knowledge and 652 00:35:59,170 --> 00:35:55,600 then the love and and I knew then that 653 00:36:01,930 --> 00:35:59,180 not only did I know about this but that 654 00:36:08,170 --> 00:36:01,940 I was all of this 655 00:36:12,820 --> 00:36:08,180 I was East I was the knowledge I was the 656 00:36:16,540 --> 00:36:12,830 love I was part of all of that that that 657 00:36:21,190 --> 00:36:16,550 there we're all one and that there is no 658 00:36:24,550 --> 00:36:21,200 separation of anything or anybody or or 659 00:36:32,860 --> 00:36:24,560 anything in the entire universe we are 660 00:36:34,660 --> 00:36:32,870 all part of that and so at that point so 661 00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:34,670 again you've asked me where was I 662 00:36:40,510 --> 00:36:38,110 exactly well yeah after I ate I really 663 00:36:43,860 --> 00:36:40,520 experienced all of this and and again 664 00:36:47,050 --> 00:36:43,870 even the feeling of infinity which is 665 00:36:48,970 --> 00:36:47,060 well it's just indescribable I mean how 666 00:36:53,230 --> 00:36:48,980 do you how do you explain to people what 667 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:53,240 infinity feels like I mean because we're 668 00:37:00,700 --> 00:36:57,130 so bounded by our bodies in terms of 669 00:37:03,180 --> 00:37:00,710 restrict being restricted by that it's 670 00:37:08,530 --> 00:37:03,190 like words words fall short of 671 00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:08,540 explaining this other beauty and love 672 00:37:14,650 --> 00:37:11,840 that's four dimensional right yes 673 00:37:20,590 --> 00:37:14,660 exactly you can't explain it because the 674 00:37:25,750 --> 00:37:20,600 love is you know it's not like it's just 675 00:37:28,090 --> 00:37:25,760 not like any love that you really 676 00:37:33,430 --> 00:37:28,100 experience here in this lifetime 677 00:37:37,690 --> 00:37:33,440 it is don't it is that everything but it 678 00:37:43,930 --> 00:37:37,700 is just so much more it's huge it's 679 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:43,940 all-encompassing I it it's creative it's 680 00:37:52,690 --> 00:37:49,490 one that it manifests the universe 681 00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:52,700 sent everything that is it's it's a it's 682 00:38:01,870 --> 00:37:56,930 a an energy almost like a force and it's 683 00:38:05,140 --> 00:38:01,880 but it's love and I call it kind of like 684 00:38:10,030 --> 00:38:05,150 a tickle to the nth degree that is 685 00:38:13,270 --> 00:38:10,040 exhilarating and delirious and joyful 686 00:38:15,430 --> 00:38:13,280 and just like that tickling your stomach 687 00:38:16,950 --> 00:38:15,440 when you go on a rollercoaster but every 688 00:38:20,410 --> 00:38:16,960 single cell 689 00:38:23,250 --> 00:38:20,420 screaming joy it's you know hard to 690 00:38:34,180 --> 00:38:23,260 explain it's really hard but it's like 691 00:38:36,460 --> 00:38:34,190 yeah it is extremely hard because you 692 00:38:42,900 --> 00:38:36,470 know the words of the physical world 693 00:38:47,290 --> 00:38:42,910 were in and just can't capture the true 694 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:47,300 sense and feeling of it Natan couldn't 695 00:38:54,430 --> 00:38:51,770 do it either and that is because that is 696 00:38:57,070 --> 00:38:54,440 because you're in a different state of 697 00:39:03,160 --> 00:38:57,080 consciousness your your consciousness is 698 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:03,170 not being filtered by a body and B your 699 00:39:11,290 --> 00:39:06,970 ego you know and the things that are 700 00:39:14,130 --> 00:39:11,300 normal to being a human being and when 701 00:39:19,810 --> 00:39:14,140 those filters and things are taken away 702 00:39:23,020 --> 00:39:19,820 you are your real estimates which is the 703 00:39:29,140 --> 00:39:23,030 essence of the universe so you do the 704 00:39:32,050 --> 00:39:29,150 best you can to explain it but you know 705 00:39:35,590 --> 00:39:32,060 I understood and knew that everything is 706 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:35,600 spirit and and we are all that - and 707 00:39:40,750 --> 00:39:38,690 that spirit is not something that exists 708 00:39:44,650 --> 00:39:40,760 in the sky or it's just in another 709 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:44,660 dimension it's right here we have in it 710 00:39:49,540 --> 00:39:48,050 it's everything and everywhere well see 711 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:49,550 my dad would say we're hell on earth 712 00:39:57,910 --> 00:39:51,650 already we're already here and now we 713 00:40:02,100 --> 00:39:57,920 got to work yep from here we all end up 714 00:40:10,350 --> 00:40:07,980 so well I get that so anything is better 715 00:40:14,910 --> 00:40:10,360 than here so that's what I'm hearing 716 00:40:18,450 --> 00:40:14,920 anyways but arriving you experiences 717 00:40:21,540 --> 00:40:18,460 other shift in reality and it's joyful 718 00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:21,550 and it's but your car is still moving 719 00:40:28,470 --> 00:40:24,250 how's the car still moving is your foot 720 00:40:29,910 --> 00:40:28,480 on the pedal I don't know because I to 721 00:40:32,820 --> 00:40:29,920 this day I have no conscious 722 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:32,830 recollection of that but I do know in 723 00:40:38,580 --> 00:40:34,510 terms of you know you were asking me 724 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:38,590 where was I at the at the toward the end 725 00:40:45,180 --> 00:40:43,450 of my experience I was focusing on you 726 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:45,190 know this joy and this feeling and this 727 00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:49,810 love and I knew that I was home and I 728 00:40:54,270 --> 00:40:52,690 knew that I was out of my body and I 729 00:40:57,030 --> 00:40:54,280 didn't care one thing about going back 730 00:40:59,760 --> 00:40:57,040 to my body and so I started thinking I 731 00:41:02,520 --> 00:40:59,770 wanted to stay here now in the meantime 732 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:02,530 my brother still has his hand you know 733 00:41:09,270 --> 00:41:07,450 on me I'll say and at that point when I 734 00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:09,280 started thinking about that I didn't 735 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:13,180 want to go back okay I started feeling 736 00:41:17,700 --> 00:41:16,090 as though I was wishing away that's the 737 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:17,710 way I described it because that's what 738 00:41:22,530 --> 00:41:19,930 it felt like but I was wishing away and 739 00:41:26,250 --> 00:41:22,540 I think that I was probably wishing away 740 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:26,260 to the I don't know if I would call it 741 00:41:32,580 --> 00:41:29,650 dimension but perhaps the next area that 742 00:41:38,850 --> 00:41:32,590 would have taken me potentially to into 743 00:41:39,810 --> 00:41:38,860 the light and on higher into where my 744 00:41:43,370 --> 00:41:39,820 brother is 745 00:41:46,980 --> 00:41:43,380 you know what are gonna call heaven or 746 00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:46,990 or whatever and but when that started 747 00:41:53,430 --> 00:41:49,570 happening and as I started wishing way 748 00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:53,440 that was when my brother exerted 749 00:42:00,270 --> 00:41:57,490 pressure or energy against me and began 750 00:42:04,140 --> 00:42:00,280 pushing me down and he was telling me no 751 00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:04,150 you can't go yet it's not your time and 752 00:42:08,820 --> 00:42:06,310 turn it off I know and when that 753 00:42:11,010 --> 00:42:08,830 happened I could almost like see myself 754 00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:11,020 coming back down into my body and then I 755 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:13,750 just kind of landed in my body like with 756 00:42:21,030 --> 00:42:16,530 us I call it a thud 757 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:21,040 and and and so the other part about this 758 00:42:27,540 --> 00:42:25,090 craziness is that I realized when I got 759 00:42:29,460 --> 00:42:27,550 back in my body that I had made a turn 760 00:42:31,950 --> 00:42:29,470 onto the road that took me to my 761 00:42:37,260 --> 00:42:31,960 grandparents house no I I have no 762 00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:37,270 recollection doing any of this and I say 763 00:42:44,190 --> 00:42:39,400 jesus take the wheel maybe Jesus took 764 00:42:46,950 --> 00:42:44,200 the wheel you know and and maybe my 765 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:46,960 brother had the power to do that also I 766 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:49,810 don't know because I don't know how I 767 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:52,210 did all that I wasn't consciously there 768 00:42:57,530 --> 00:42:54,970 doing any event but the second thing 769 00:42:59,160 --> 00:42:57,540 that I thought besides all of that was 770 00:43:04,080 --> 00:42:59,170 Wow 771 00:43:07,530 --> 00:43:04,090 that I I'm so restricted in this body 772 00:43:10,140 --> 00:43:07,540 you know it was not like I was excited 773 00:43:12,750 --> 00:43:10,150 to be back there I mean I knew I need I 774 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:12,760 needed to return and everything but it 775 00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:16,690 was amazing how restricted I felt so 776 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:19,720 that that's what happened to me and my 777 00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:22,930 consciousness thereafter was never the 778 00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:26,710 same you know I couldn't look at life 779 00:43:30,330 --> 00:43:28,570 the same in fact even when I got to my 780 00:43:32,670 --> 00:43:30,340 grandparents house now I didn't share 781 00:43:35,610 --> 00:43:32,680 with them any of this because they were 782 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:35,620 grieving and you know I had these plants 783 00:43:39,030 --> 00:43:37,210 and stuff I was bringing to them but you 784 00:43:43,470 --> 00:43:39,040 know what when I saw my grandparents I 785 00:43:47,970 --> 00:43:43,480 could see I guess how my brother was 786 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:47,980 viewing us I could see my grandparents 787 00:43:53,340 --> 00:43:50,770 grief I told them that I knew Donnie was 788 00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:53,350 okay and that he was happy but you know 789 00:43:57,330 --> 00:43:55,570 it's like I never said those words and 790 00:43:59,960 --> 00:43:57,340 of course I didn't go into this 791 00:44:02,340 --> 00:43:59,970 experience I'd had or anything right oh 792 00:44:04,710 --> 00:44:02,350 did you feel like he had like a little 793 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:04,720 pep in your step all of a sudden did 794 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:06,490 anybody look at you like what is she so 795 00:44:14,700 --> 00:44:11,050 joyful about no I did for that whole day 796 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:14,710 feel really wonderful and I felt very 797 00:44:20,100 --> 00:44:16,810 close to my brother and I knew he was 798 00:44:23,430 --> 00:44:20,110 happy and safe and and all that but I 799 00:44:28,290 --> 00:44:23,440 have to admit that even though I had 800 00:44:29,240 --> 00:44:28,300 this wonderful experience and it lasted 801 00:44:32,330 --> 00:44:29,250 that day 802 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:32,340 but the next day I really fell back into 803 00:44:38,089 --> 00:44:35,010 this deep grief for my brother that I 804 00:44:43,370 --> 00:44:38,099 was never going to experience him again 805 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:43,380 in this life so you know okay can I ask 806 00:44:47,930 --> 00:44:46,410 so he pushed you back down into your 807 00:44:53,630 --> 00:44:47,940 body you turn to your right and he's 808 00:44:54,230 --> 00:44:53,640 gone it disappeared fully right he was 809 00:44:59,180 --> 00:44:54,240 gone 810 00:45:01,520 --> 00:44:59,190 Wow but but that's where you know that's 811 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:01,530 what this that's really not where the 812 00:45:06,950 --> 00:45:04,650 story ends though with him and that's 813 00:45:09,380 --> 00:45:06,960 you know what the rest of my book is 814 00:45:11,750 --> 00:45:09,390 about because it's not just about it's 815 00:45:13,910 --> 00:45:11,760 not just about this experience it's that 816 00:45:17,330 --> 00:45:13,920 he continued to reach out to me in 817 00:45:21,740 --> 00:45:17,340 various ways for the rest of my life Wow 818 00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:21,750 and but at this stage you know right 819 00:45:26,180 --> 00:45:23,940 after all this happened and I eventually 820 00:45:28,070 --> 00:45:26,190 you know went back to Houston and 821 00:45:30,710 --> 00:45:28,080 everything but you know I didn't 822 00:45:32,570 --> 00:45:30,720 understand what had happened to me again 823 00:45:34,579 --> 00:45:32,580 I remind everybody there wasn't the 824 00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:34,589 internet available you know I couldn't 825 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:36,660 just sit out the computer and gym this 826 00:45:41,390 --> 00:45:39,330 up and say oh what's the research on 827 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:41,400 this I mean that just wasn't available 828 00:45:51,310 --> 00:45:46,050 and I you know I asked myself had this 829 00:45:53,900 --> 00:45:51,320 kind of thing happened to others and so 830 00:45:57,950 --> 00:45:53,910 after that experience I just felt 831 00:46:00,740 --> 00:45:57,960 compelled to read and find anything I 832 00:46:04,150 --> 00:46:00,750 could about just a myriad of topics 833 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:04,160 really in relation to spirituality and 834 00:46:08,930 --> 00:46:06,810 and I really literally I have read 835 00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:08,940 hundreds and hundreds of books through 836 00:46:13,990 --> 00:46:11,820 the years I mean even even now with the 837 00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:14,000 internet you know I continued to read 838 00:46:24,950 --> 00:46:20,450 and you know so in terms of follow-on 839 00:46:26,660 --> 00:46:24,960 experiences that I had at my home I 840 00:46:31,310 --> 00:46:26,670 remember walking out of my bedroom 841 00:46:33,710 --> 00:46:31,320 and I saw him as he looked in when he 842 00:46:35,900 --> 00:46:33,720 was living he was standing in my living 843 00:46:37,240 --> 00:46:35,910 room he was actually looking at my 844 00:46:39,620 --> 00:46:37,250 stereo 845 00:46:42,950 --> 00:46:39,630 he wasn't looking at me he was looking 846 00:46:46,819 --> 00:46:42,960 peering into the stereo there and 847 00:46:48,170 --> 00:46:46,829 the image only lasted a split second you 848 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:48,180 know it's one of those kind of images 849 00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:51,410 that you see but you never forget it 850 00:46:57,740 --> 00:46:55,170 right it was as though because he 851 00:46:59,810 --> 00:46:57,750 actually spent a summer with my husband 852 00:47:03,650 --> 00:46:59,820 and I he was doing an internship in 853 00:47:05,060 --> 00:47:03,660 Houston working at a place and that's 854 00:47:07,550 --> 00:47:05,070 what he would do he would go over the 855 00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:07,560 stereo and peer in there and figure out 856 00:47:12,710 --> 00:47:08,910 what did he want to listen to some 857 00:47:15,380 --> 00:47:12,720 record or whatever you know and and to 858 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:15,390 this day I still see that image but it 859 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:17,970 freaked me out I didn't know what I was 860 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:21,570 seeing and all these things that would 861 00:47:24,650 --> 00:47:23,010 happen to me and you know seeing him in 862 00:47:27,410 --> 00:47:24,660 the living room and then there was in 863 00:47:29,630 --> 00:47:27,420 the dining room a chair was all it was 864 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:29,640 pulled out a couple of times every week 865 00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:31,050 I would come home from work in this 866 00:47:36,470 --> 00:47:33,060 chair in the dining room which my 867 00:47:38,870 --> 00:47:36,480 husband and I hardly ever went into and 868 00:47:40,790 --> 00:47:38,880 I asked him finally I said are you 869 00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:40,800 coming in here and doing something here 870 00:47:44,569 --> 00:47:43,410 and pulling out this chair and now I 871 00:47:45,260 --> 00:47:44,579 don't even know what you're talking 872 00:47:46,970 --> 00:47:45,270 about 873 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:46,980 but when my brother lived with us that 874 00:47:51,740 --> 00:47:49,050 summer my husband he and my husband 875 00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:51,750 would sit in the dining room my husband 876 00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:53,490 Tom had this crazy electric football 877 00:47:57,770 --> 00:47:55,650 game and they get in their fight and 878 00:48:01,010 --> 00:47:57,780 drink scotch and sodas and play this 879 00:48:03,260 --> 00:48:01,020 electric football change and I would 880 00:48:05,660 --> 00:48:03,270 come in there after I'd been awakened by 881 00:48:06,410 --> 00:48:05,670 them going man I'd say I don't work 882 00:48:08,780 --> 00:48:06,420 tomorrow 883 00:48:10,700 --> 00:48:08,790 you know and then they laugh and they'd 884 00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:10,710 give up but the chair that was always 885 00:48:16,359 --> 00:48:12,810 pulling me out was the chair that my 886 00:48:19,490 --> 00:48:16,369 brother always sat in for that game and 887 00:48:21,980 --> 00:48:19,500 so I knew he was trying to just tell me 888 00:48:24,349 --> 00:48:21,990 he was in the air but like it's me girls 889 00:48:26,599 --> 00:48:24,359 pull out this chair who sits here and 890 00:48:30,349 --> 00:48:26,609 one by my husband and I were in our TV 891 00:48:33,559 --> 00:48:30,359 room and from the very top shelf which 892 00:48:35,359 --> 00:48:33,569 they would very deep shelves we had 893 00:48:37,579 --> 00:48:35,369 videos that we had taken like from 894 00:48:39,740 --> 00:48:37,589 various travel trips and things like 895 00:48:42,050 --> 00:48:39,750 that and we're sitting there watching TV 896 00:48:45,940 --> 00:48:42,060 and this video literally flew out from 897 00:48:48,470 --> 00:48:45,950 the top shelf and landed at our feet he 898 00:48:51,349 --> 00:48:48,480 looked at each other in complete 899 00:48:52,829 --> 00:48:51,359 amazement you know so I know this wasn't 900 00:48:56,370 --> 00:48:52,839 just me 901 00:48:58,200 --> 00:48:56,380 right right and we need to we were just 902 00:49:01,079 --> 00:48:58,210 freaked out like wow what is happening 903 00:49:05,309 --> 00:49:01,089 and then another time I came home and in 904 00:49:06,870 --> 00:49:05,319 the hallway we had this bookshelf that 905 00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:06,880 was built into the hallway and from the 906 00:49:13,319 --> 00:49:10,690 very bottom shelf I could see where this 907 00:49:15,599 --> 00:49:13,329 book had flown across the hallway and 908 00:49:18,359 --> 00:49:15,609 had hit the wall and it was laying up 909 00:49:21,180 --> 00:49:18,369 against the other wall and this book was 910 00:49:24,329 --> 00:49:21,190 from an old encyclopedia set and it was 911 00:49:29,069 --> 00:49:24,339 the volume D which my brother's name was 912 00:49:33,180 --> 00:49:29,079 gone and uh there was no way it just 913 00:49:35,700 --> 00:49:33,190 fell out it flew across you know another 914 00:49:39,450 --> 00:49:35,710 time I came home and there was a chair 915 00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:39,460 that had been placed in the doorway to 916 00:49:44,339 --> 00:49:42,729 the master bedroom just and this was at 917 00:49:46,079 --> 00:49:44,349 the time when when my husband was 918 00:49:48,509 --> 00:49:46,089 actually working out in California I was 919 00:49:51,150 --> 00:49:48,519 at the house while myself so there was 920 00:49:54,989 --> 00:49:51,160 nobody else there to do this stuff and 921 00:49:57,900 --> 00:49:54,999 so you know and my dad he even talked 922 00:50:00,329 --> 00:49:57,910 about how he and his wife see my mom and 923 00:50:04,289 --> 00:50:00,339 her husband they lived down toward 924 00:50:05,849 --> 00:50:04,299 Galveston but but my dad and his wife 925 00:50:08,130 --> 00:50:05,859 talked about how at night they would 926 00:50:11,819 --> 00:50:08,140 hear the microwave buttons being pushed 927 00:50:13,709 --> 00:50:11,829 and my brother used to go in there and 928 00:50:17,430 --> 00:50:13,719 heat up food and stuff for himself when 929 00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:17,440 he would stay over or something and then 930 00:50:25,349 --> 00:50:21,130 my mother had a dream not too long after 931 00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:25,359 he died because she like everybody else 932 00:50:31,319 --> 00:50:28,690 was grieving a lot and she described 933 00:50:35,489 --> 00:50:31,329 this this dream where Donnie was a deer 934 00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:35,499 and came back to her and came up to her 935 00:50:43,219 --> 00:50:39,729 and and called her name you know mother 936 00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:43,229 and she knew it was him and she said son 937 00:50:49,799 --> 00:50:45,910 you need to come home to me right now 938 00:50:54,269 --> 00:50:49,809 and he said mother mama that's what he 939 00:50:57,059 --> 00:50:54,279 said mama I can't I'm happy here and I 940 00:50:58,859 --> 00:50:57,069 can't come home and she said son you 941 00:50:59,729 --> 00:50:58,869 need to come home to me and he said I 942 00:51:03,890 --> 00:50:59,739 can't mama 943 00:51:05,980 --> 00:51:03,900 yeah well and as it began walking away 944 00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:05,990 she said he 945 00:51:15,700 --> 00:51:11,210 took with him the really horrible pain 946 00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:15,710 from her heart and nice she said after 947 00:51:22,180 --> 00:51:19,970 that she she said she still was grieving 948 00:51:24,580 --> 00:51:22,190 but she said it was the only thing that 949 00:51:28,750 --> 00:51:24,590 helped her survive was that he took that 950 00:51:32,470 --> 00:51:28,760 pain isn't that amazing that is it you 951 00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:32,480 know I hear these stories and I have 952 00:51:35,710 --> 00:51:34,250 experienced some myself you know losing 953 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:35,720 a loved one and having them come and 954 00:51:41,380 --> 00:51:38,210 visit and and it's it's weird how it 955 00:51:45,340 --> 00:51:41,390 settles you it's it's a glimpse of them 956 00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:45,350 it's their spirit coming to touch yours 957 00:51:49,870 --> 00:51:47,330 and let you know you're there they're 958 00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:49,880 okay and you could be okay too in it it 959 00:51:55,780 --> 00:51:53,090 really is healing and I wish that all 960 00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:55,790 souls did that though because you know 961 00:52:01,390 --> 00:51:57,410 there's some people that truly grieve 962 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:01,400 and they just don't get a break I think 963 00:52:05,020 --> 00:52:02,330 it's beautiful 964 00:52:07,630 --> 00:52:05,030 so every time you said that your brother 965 00:52:09,820 --> 00:52:07,640 he's kind of touched your life as the 966 00:52:13,450 --> 00:52:09,830 years have gone by and and he lets you 967 00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:13,460 know it's him so have you had dreams 968 00:52:17,830 --> 00:52:16,010 because I I hear you know spirits they 969 00:52:20,530 --> 00:52:17,840 will communicate in your dreams a lot 970 00:52:22,750 --> 00:52:20,540 and yes they can you know be spotted in 971 00:52:24,849 --> 00:52:22,760 the house and whatnot but did he 972 00:52:28,180 --> 00:52:24,859 communicate further with you in that 973 00:52:35,710 --> 00:52:28,190 sense yes he did come to me in a couple 974 00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:35,720 of dreams and one that especially well 975 00:52:41,290 --> 00:52:37,490 there's two that especially stick with 976 00:52:45,130 --> 00:52:41,300 me but one was I had you know I don't 977 00:52:48,849 --> 00:52:45,140 know several years down down from his 978 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:48,859 accident where he and I were sitting at 979 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:51,050 a table having lunch together 980 00:52:56,620 --> 00:52:54,410 and by this time by the time I had this 981 00:52:58,840 --> 00:52:56,630 dream I had accepted that you know he 982 00:53:03,190 --> 00:52:58,850 was gone and I was beginning to 983 00:53:05,290 --> 00:53:03,200 integrate that idea into my life but we 984 00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:05,300 were eating together and and I knew that 985 00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:07,760 he had died but we were sitting there 986 00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:09,650 eating together and I asked him I said 987 00:53:15,490 --> 00:53:12,170 so how are you able to be here with me 988 00:53:18,370 --> 00:53:15,500 right now and he said I come through a 989 00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:18,380 portal from the other side and he said 990 00:53:23,420 --> 00:53:19,890 by the way it's time 991 00:53:27,529 --> 00:53:23,430 for me to go and he went to the side of 992 00:53:29,930 --> 00:53:27,539 the table and he just disappeared an 993 00:53:37,430 --> 00:53:29,940 interesting choice of words a portal oh 994 00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:37,440 I know and and you know it just was 995 00:53:44,269 --> 00:53:39,809 amazing 996 00:53:46,190 --> 00:53:44,279 that that dream just felt so real you 997 00:53:50,059 --> 00:53:46,200 know these dreams just feel so real and 998 00:53:52,430 --> 00:53:50,069 the the latest one I had like that I 999 00:53:55,099 --> 00:53:52,440 talked about in my book at the beginning 1000 00:53:57,470 --> 00:53:55,109 but we've got to get to our next break 1001 00:53:58,490 --> 00:53:57,480 so we'll talk about that great you're 1002 00:54:02,259 --> 00:53:58,500 listening to me Heidi how's the 1003 00:54:06,589 --> 00:54:04,759 welcome back everybody you're listening 1004 00:54:09,259 --> 00:54:06,599 to me Heidi Hollis the Outlander and 1005 00:54:10,730 --> 00:54:09,269 we're speaking with Paula lens and Paul 1006 00:54:12,980 --> 00:54:10,740 is talking about some fascinating 1007 00:54:16,370 --> 00:54:12,990 experiences she's had it was just about 1008 00:54:18,109 --> 00:54:16,380 to go into a dream that you another 1009 00:54:19,670 --> 00:54:18,119 dream that she had concerning your 1010 00:54:22,190 --> 00:54:19,680 brother so I'll let you go ahead and 1011 00:54:25,370 --> 00:54:22,200 share where you're going with that yeah 1012 00:54:27,559 --> 00:54:25,380 thanks and I did mention this dream is 1013 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:27,569 in the book because it I believe it 1014 00:54:35,779 --> 00:54:30,690 really related to the book itself being 1015 00:54:39,950 --> 00:54:35,789 published but I I dreamed of my brother 1016 00:54:42,349 --> 00:54:39,960 as a baby which in all the years I've 1017 00:54:44,690 --> 00:54:42,359 dreamed of my brother I've never dreamed 1018 00:54:47,329 --> 00:54:44,700 of him as being a baby but I dreamed 1019 00:54:52,339 --> 00:54:47,339 that I was at a party there was a couple 1020 00:54:54,559 --> 00:54:52,349 there and they had this baby boy in 1021 00:54:58,910 --> 00:54:54,569 their arms and when they walked into the 1022 00:55:01,430 --> 00:54:58,920 room and I saw this baby I knew it was 1023 00:55:05,380 --> 00:55:01,440 my brother Donnie it looked just like 1024 00:55:09,140 --> 00:55:05,390 him when he had been a baby and so I 1025 00:55:11,720 --> 00:55:09,150 asked to hold you know their their son 1026 00:55:13,819 --> 00:55:11,730 and they said oh sure so the mom you 1027 00:55:17,499 --> 00:55:13,829 know lovingly put him in my arms and 1028 00:55:23,299 --> 00:55:17,509 when she did that and I looked at him 1029 00:55:26,210 --> 00:55:23,309 this huge wave of love came over both he 1030 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:26,220 and I and he looked up at me with a big 1031 00:55:33,620 --> 00:55:31,410 smile and I knew again this was like 1032 00:55:35,450 --> 00:55:33,630 three days before I was giving the 1033 00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:35,460 final manuscript to the publisher of 1034 00:55:40,460 --> 00:55:37,890 this book and I knew I figured out that 1035 00:55:43,990 --> 00:55:40,470 he came to me in the stream it was his 1036 00:55:48,049 --> 00:55:44,000 way of saying hey you know I'm really 1037 00:55:52,130 --> 00:55:48,059 happy that you are finally sharing your 1038 00:55:54,999 --> 00:55:52,140 story with the world and I think he came 1039 00:55:58,999 --> 00:55:55,009 back as a baby in the stream 1040 00:56:03,049 --> 00:55:59,009 representing that this was a new project 1041 00:56:06,650 --> 00:56:03,059 that was getting ready to be born and it 1042 00:56:10,609 --> 00:56:06,660 was it was a marvelous wonderful dream 1043 00:56:12,950 --> 00:56:10,619 to have right before running over the 1044 00:56:16,660 --> 00:56:12,960 menu step yeah it was awesome so I ended 1045 00:56:22,190 --> 00:56:16,670 up including that in the you know the 1046 00:56:23,779 --> 00:56:22,200 music it in its like it needed to be in 1047 00:56:25,849 --> 00:56:23,789 there so it happened right when I was 1048 00:56:29,390 --> 00:56:25,859 supposed to I get that cramming perfect 1049 00:56:33,620 --> 00:56:29,400 for the publishers indeed so you know 1050 00:56:36,319 --> 00:56:33,630 with all of these these things and and 1051 00:56:38,630 --> 00:56:36,329 being surrounded by people who have not 1052 00:56:42,380 --> 00:56:38,640 experienced these things but you started 1053 00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:42,390 attending conferences and and meeting 1054 00:56:48,289 --> 00:56:45,690 others who have shared experiences like 1055 00:56:55,309 --> 00:56:48,299 this what what did that do for you when 1056 00:56:58,099 --> 00:56:55,319 you have that opportunity well it was it 1057 00:57:03,109 --> 00:56:58,109 was a new world for me to step into that 1058 00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:03,119 I got involved and I talked about the 1059 00:57:11,690 --> 00:57:05,490 International Association for near-death 1060 00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:11,700 studies I ins that was created actually 1061 00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:15,930 in the late 70s back then there wasn't a 1062 00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:17,250 whole lot of information out there about 1063 00:57:22,579 --> 00:57:18,650 this sort of thing about near-death 1064 00:57:24,529 --> 00:57:22,589 experiences or spiritually trans trans 1065 00:57:27,620 --> 00:57:24,539 form a tional experiences or anything 1066 00:57:32,450 --> 00:57:27,630 like that but this this one entity had 1067 00:57:35,450 --> 00:57:32,460 been created and so I've since joined 1068 00:57:38,150 --> 00:57:35,460 them since I published this book and I 1069 00:57:40,220 --> 00:57:38,160 attend meetings where they bring in all 1070 00:57:42,799 --> 00:57:40,230 these people a lot of the written books 1071 00:57:44,180 --> 00:57:42,809 and who've had all these different kinds 1072 00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:44,190 of experiences like out-of-body 1073 00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:47,250 experiences or near-death experience 1074 00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:52,580 and they've experienced you know an 1075 00:57:58,760 --> 00:57:55,530 expanded consciousness and it changed 1076 00:58:02,240 --> 00:57:58,770 their view of the world and once I got 1077 00:58:07,099 --> 00:58:02,250 into this and suddenly I was surrounded 1078 00:58:08,300 --> 00:58:07,109 by people I could talk to about this 1079 00:58:10,339 --> 00:58:08,310 topic 1080 00:58:13,849 --> 00:58:10,349 you know this whole subject matter and 1081 00:58:16,820 --> 00:58:13,859 what it meant and I've never been able 1082 00:58:18,950 --> 00:58:16,830 to do that in my entire lifetime you 1083 00:58:23,810 --> 00:58:18,960 know other than chairing things here and 1084 00:58:28,460 --> 00:58:23,820 there with some of my friends and now to 1085 00:58:30,650 --> 00:58:28,470 be totally free to discuss it and hear 1086 00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:30,660 other people's experiences and compare 1087 00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:34,890 and and they speak the same language 1088 00:58:41,390 --> 00:58:38,930 because they understand what you've 1089 00:58:45,620 --> 00:58:41,400 experienced right right it's 1090 00:58:48,050 --> 00:58:45,630 mind-blowing you don't have to like take 1091 00:58:49,910 --> 00:58:48,060 the time to explain and feel like you 1092 00:58:53,599 --> 00:58:49,920 have to convince them they're like I get 1093 00:58:56,180 --> 00:58:53,609 it it's it's such a relief isn't it it 1094 00:59:00,230 --> 00:58:56,190 really is it's a different world it's a 1095 00:59:03,170 --> 00:59:00,240 different world yeah I have somebody 1096 00:59:06,020 --> 00:59:03,180 here who's asking a question time Walker 1097 00:59:08,060 --> 00:59:06,030 in my chat room here I was asking if the 1098 00:59:09,770 --> 00:59:08,070 guest has experienced any smells or 1099 00:59:12,530 --> 00:59:09,780 sense that seem familiar 1100 00:59:15,650 --> 00:59:12,540 during the types of dreams that you 1101 00:59:18,470 --> 00:59:15,660 described with your brother and Jennifer 1102 00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:18,480 is curious if you feel like your dreams 1103 00:59:23,450 --> 00:59:20,490 were actual visitations from your 1104 00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:23,460 brother well let me start with the 1105 00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:27,330 second question and yes I do I do feel 1106 00:59:32,780 --> 00:59:30,030 that these dreams were actual vision 1107 00:59:36,170 --> 00:59:32,790 visitations from my brother because 1108 00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:36,180 those dreams have a very different feel 1109 00:59:44,710 --> 00:59:40,290 to them they don't feel like just a 1110 00:59:47,870 --> 00:59:44,720 dream you know you're dreaming but it 1111 00:59:48,980 --> 00:59:47,880 when when you when you wake up you know 1112 00:59:52,540 --> 00:59:48,990 that it was a different kind of 1113 00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:52,550 experience so yes I do believe those are 1114 00:59:58,250 --> 00:59:55,530 visitations from him now going back to 1115 01:00:01,130 --> 00:59:58,260 the first question no I have not 1116 01:00:05,779 --> 01:00:01,140 experienced any smells or anything 1117 01:00:11,599 --> 01:00:05,789 that however one one of the things that 1118 01:00:13,069 --> 01:00:11,609 I did experience is especially during 1119 01:00:15,019 --> 01:00:13,079 the time when my husband was living in 1120 01:00:18,410 --> 01:00:15,029 California and I was by myself but it's 1121 01:00:19,849 --> 01:00:18,420 happened even since then but sometimes 1122 01:00:25,130 --> 01:00:19,859 at night when I would get in bed 1123 01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:25,140 I would distinctly feel someone sit down 1124 01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:29,490 on the edge of my bed and sometimes even 1125 01:00:33,380 --> 01:00:30,930 when I would lie down in the afternoon 1126 01:00:36,620 --> 01:00:33,390 to take a nap you know close my eyes and 1127 01:00:38,269 --> 01:00:36,630 suddenly I would feel someone sitting 1128 01:00:41,569 --> 01:00:38,279 down on the edge of the bed well my eyes 1129 01:00:44,150 --> 01:00:41,579 would just fly open like I'm gonna see 1130 01:00:44,900 --> 01:00:44,160 what this is but of course no one was 1131 01:00:49,759 --> 01:00:44,910 there 1132 01:00:54,049 --> 01:00:49,769 but it was very distinct in the feeling 1133 01:00:56,809 --> 01:00:54,059 of the bed it's no it was not it right 1134 01:00:58,700 --> 01:00:56,819 another interesting question time is 1135 01:01:00,170 --> 01:00:58,710 asking in the chat room if you're if you 1136 01:01:02,839 --> 01:01:00,180 think your brother may have had any 1137 01:01:08,359 --> 01:01:02,849 experience with the paranormal or all 1138 01:01:10,999 --> 01:01:08,369 this happened with you you know I and I 1139 01:01:17,779 --> 01:01:11,009 never heard him mention anything about 1140 01:01:18,430 --> 01:01:17,789 that I do know that at one point in his 1141 01:01:22,370 --> 01:01:18,440 life 1142 01:01:27,170 --> 01:01:22,380 he had a good friend he may have been in 1143 01:01:28,999 --> 01:01:27,180 college at that time he had this good 1144 01:01:32,779 --> 01:01:29,009 friend that he hung out with and that 1145 01:01:36,769 --> 01:01:32,789 that guy ended up committing suicide and 1146 01:01:38,779 --> 01:01:36,779 I don't know if if anything ever 1147 01:01:40,609 --> 01:01:38,789 occurred in relation to that but the 1148 01:01:42,670 --> 01:01:40,619 starlight lounge presents an evening 1149 01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:42,680 with the progressive box 1150 01:01:49,420 --> 01:01:47,330 ah I took a bit of a risk singing that 1151 01:01:51,460 --> 01:01:49,430 song but of course the one place I never 1152 01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:51,470 take chances is the road where 1153 01:01:55,180 --> 01:01:53,690 progressive snapshot rewards your safe 1154 01:01:57,490 --> 01:01:55,190 driving a good driver 1155 01:02:01,290 --> 01:01:57,500 plus snapshot equals big discounts and 1156 01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:01,300 speaking of math one plus one equals two 1157 01:02:05,350 --> 01:02:03,490 little too late 1158 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:05,360 progressive casualty insurance company 1159 01:02:07,930 --> 01:02:06,650 affiliate snapshot not available in 1160 01:02:10,060 --> 01:02:07,940 California North Carolina or from all 1161 01:02:11,820 --> 01:02:10,070 agents I do know my brother was quite 1162 01:02:14,740 --> 01:02:11,830 upset that that happened 1163 01:02:16,930 --> 01:02:14,750 now that was you know that was a friend 1164 01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:16,940 of his there are friends that are cited 1165 01:02:22,090 --> 01:02:19,010 in the book I mean he had a best friend 1166 01:02:28,090 --> 01:02:22,100 that they were almost like twins and 1167 01:02:32,650 --> 01:02:28,100 that was especially hard on Donny's best 1168 01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:32,660 friend who was left and he to this day 1169 01:02:37,180 --> 01:02:34,970 you know it's it's difficult for him 1170 01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:37,190 they they they were just such a good 1171 01:02:42,310 --> 01:02:39,170 friends they was just like brothers do 1172 01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:42,320 you ever wonder you know like you said 1173 01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:43,610 you know you right after you had this 1174 01:02:46,990 --> 01:02:44,930 experience with your brother where 1175 01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:47,000 you're driving and you didn't mention it 1176 01:02:52,300 --> 01:02:49,760 to your family but what if they had 1177 01:02:54,040 --> 01:02:52,310 experiences with him too and they didn't 1178 01:02:56,380 --> 01:02:54,050 feel they could talk to you about it and 1179 01:02:58,560 --> 01:02:56,390 it's like who breaks the ice you know I 1180 01:03:01,210 --> 01:02:58,570 think there's a lot more that goes on 1181 01:03:04,660 --> 01:03:01,220 people have no clue about and I'm like 1182 01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:04,670 you know I wish that you know people 1183 01:03:09,640 --> 01:03:07,610 were more able I think they put the 1184 01:03:11,290 --> 01:03:09,650 restrictions on themselves I wish that 1185 01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:11,300 they were just you know kick the door 1186 01:03:16,870 --> 01:03:13,610 down and say guess what just happened he 1187 01:03:19,390 --> 01:03:16,880 was in the car you know be about it you 1188 01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:19,400 know and it's like people not to judge 1189 01:03:24,370 --> 01:03:21,410 you you know but you know but even if 1190 01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:24,380 they do it's like I never was a person 1191 01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:26,810 to keep these odd things to myself and 1192 01:03:31,090 --> 01:03:29,330 though my dad was like Heidi can't you 1193 01:03:34,150 --> 01:03:31,100 write your books under a pen name I'm 1194 01:03:36,010 --> 01:03:34,160 like dad you had no sons I'm gonna abuse 1195 01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:36,020 your last name to its fullest you know 1196 01:03:41,860 --> 01:03:39,050 so it's like you know sorry dad but I 1197 01:03:44,140 --> 01:03:41,870 really wasn't I'm like this is who I am 1198 01:03:46,150 --> 01:03:44,150 and I have to share this stuff in hopes 1199 01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:46,160 of reaching other people make an example 1200 01:03:50,410 --> 01:03:48,290 of me whatever it is you know but it's 1201 01:03:52,270 --> 01:03:50,420 um I think there's a lot more 1202 01:03:54,910 --> 01:03:52,280 camaraderie in these types of 1203 01:03:56,470 --> 01:03:54,920 experiences than we realize and you know 1204 01:03:58,720 --> 01:03:56,480 if we just kicked 1205 01:04:00,910 --> 01:03:58,730 or stones you know who knows what a what 1206 01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:00,920 would have come by you know maybe maybe 1207 01:04:04,859 --> 01:04:03,170 that best experience them too you know 1208 01:04:08,290 --> 01:04:04,869 and just doesn't know how to tell you 1209 01:04:10,750 --> 01:04:08,300 well you know what that's a very good 1210 01:04:12,730 --> 01:04:10,760 point about this and I will say this I 1211 01:04:15,670 --> 01:04:12,740 mean I mentioned you know about my dad 1212 01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:15,680 and his wife hearing right my buddy that 1213 01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:17,570 they told us and so you know I did 1214 01:04:21,700 --> 01:04:19,730 mention I must have mentioned some 1215 01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:21,710 things because then they shared that and 1216 01:04:28,050 --> 01:04:24,970 then my mom shared about the dream and 1217 01:04:32,290 --> 01:04:28,060 now that you bring that up 1218 01:04:35,950 --> 01:04:32,300 so this best friend I was talking about 1219 01:04:39,970 --> 01:04:35,960 he shared and that's in the book too how 1220 01:04:41,410 --> 01:04:39,980 on the day of the accident when Bonnie 1221 01:04:44,530 --> 01:04:41,420 was killed you know I talked about how I 1222 01:04:47,230 --> 01:04:44,540 had that pain over my heart at right at 1223 01:04:50,590 --> 01:04:47,240 the time of the accident 1224 01:04:54,010 --> 01:04:50,600 well he also had an experience he was at 1225 01:04:57,370 --> 01:04:54,020 his office and he suddenly felt very 1226 01:05:00,730 --> 01:04:57,380 sick like his whole insides were just 1227 01:05:04,270 --> 01:05:00,740 clenching up and and it was nine o'clock 1228 01:05:09,300 --> 01:05:04,280 because he was in a meeting or something 1229 01:05:13,390 --> 01:05:09,310 at 9:00 and he he did tell me about that 1230 01:05:18,070 --> 01:05:13,400 he and I did share those two things if 1231 01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:18,080 I'm not mistaken actually as he not the 1232 01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:20,510 funeral but the visitation deal because 1233 01:05:24,340 --> 01:05:22,130 he mentioned that to me and I never 1234 01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:24,350 forgot it because I had had that same 1235 01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:27,530 you know so there was some sharing of 1236 01:05:34,750 --> 01:05:31,130 that car some of those it's like your 1237 01:05:37,270 --> 01:05:34,760 brother is a powerful spirit I mean my 1238 01:05:39,370 --> 01:05:37,280 goodness he shook your world up he shook 1239 01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:39,380 up your father's world your mother's and 1240 01:05:44,349 --> 01:05:41,570 and his best friend I mean he is a 1241 01:05:48,340 --> 01:05:44,359 busybody on the other side it's like he 1242 01:05:53,170 --> 01:05:48,350 had to cross over in order to reach you 1243 01:05:58,060 --> 01:05:53,180 guys you've mentioned that - he actually 1244 01:06:02,109 --> 01:05:58,070 I don't know who reached out yeah I 1245 01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:02,119 believe his vibration reaches out you 1246 01:06:06,670 --> 01:06:04,970 know about this coming event I think 1247 01:06:09,670 --> 01:06:06,680 that's why I had the dream that I had 1248 01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:09,680 but see my sister two years before had 1249 01:06:14,410 --> 01:06:10,250 had a 1250 01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:14,420 also she actually dreamed the scenario 1251 01:06:22,300 --> 01:06:18,290 of the woman calling and telling her my 1252 01:06:25,630 --> 01:06:22,310 brother had died in a train accident Wow 1253 01:06:29,020 --> 01:06:25,640 it was very it was really terrible the 1254 01:06:31,300 --> 01:06:29,030 way she found out and you know I've done 1255 01:06:34,620 --> 01:06:31,310 a lot of reading about vibrations and 1256 01:06:38,530 --> 01:06:34,630 frequency you know that we emanate and 1257 01:06:43,839 --> 01:06:38,540 and I think that these things were 1258 01:06:48,250 --> 01:06:43,849 coming from him in ways of preparing us 1259 01:06:52,230 --> 01:06:48,260 or at least to some degree but but yeah 1260 01:06:55,570 --> 01:06:52,240 and you know things like that did happen 1261 01:06:58,870 --> 01:06:55,580 that's amazing I mean you know you might 1262 01:07:01,540 --> 01:06:58,880 hear of a spirit visiting one family 1263 01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:01,550 member - but I mean your brother was 1264 01:07:08,130 --> 01:07:04,910 everywhere he affected people felt more 1265 01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:08,140 than one person felt his passing yeah 1266 01:07:17,260 --> 01:07:11,690 and I do think he is a very powerful 1267 01:07:19,660 --> 01:07:17,270 spirit you know because he has done a 1268 01:07:21,730 --> 01:07:19,670 lot of outreach and again his frequency 1269 01:07:27,810 --> 01:07:21,740 and vibration I think was reaching out 1270 01:07:31,210 --> 01:07:27,820 to people and he was he was such a fun 1271 01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:31,220 funny guy and just had a wonderful 1272 01:07:36,420 --> 01:07:34,130 personality I mean we had so many people 1273 01:07:39,700 --> 01:07:36,430 at the funeral and we we had the largest 1274 01:07:41,859 --> 01:07:39,710 funeral home there and Brian and there 1275 01:07:44,650 --> 01:07:41,869 were people standing like in the 1276 01:07:48,420 --> 01:07:44,660 entryway and outside there were just so 1277 01:07:51,490 --> 01:07:48,430 many people he had a very dynamic 1278 01:07:54,910 --> 01:07:51,500 personality and was just funny and a 1279 01:07:59,109 --> 01:07:54,920 great guy so yeah I mean things like 1280 01:08:02,680 --> 01:07:59,119 that do I think happens but you know you 1281 01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:02,690 have to be cognizant of dreams and signs 1282 01:08:08,890 --> 01:08:05,690 and thinking to yourself well what can 1283 01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:08,900 this mean and you know some people just 1284 01:08:12,579 --> 01:08:10,490 don't pay attention to a lot of things 1285 01:08:14,260 --> 01:08:12,589 like that the shirt don't you know I 1286 01:08:16,300 --> 01:08:14,270 have to say the good ones always die 1287 01:08:20,019 --> 01:08:16,310 young as people that live forever we 1288 01:08:22,150 --> 01:08:20,029 must be awfully rotten I guess man it's 1289 01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:22,160 like always these gems these bright 1290 01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:24,020 lights they cross over 1291 01:08:29,950 --> 01:08:26,930 and you know and the rest of us go but 1292 01:08:32,860 --> 01:08:29,960 they were so good so good and they were 1293 01:08:35,170 --> 01:08:32,870 taken so yeah what are we doing wrong 1294 01:08:38,140 --> 01:08:35,180 you know God would take such a good 1295 01:08:41,940 --> 01:08:38,150 person you know we we wonder it's like 1296 01:08:47,290 --> 01:08:41,950 well maybe my dad was right this is hell 1297 01:08:50,790 --> 01:08:47,300 but I think that you know we all have 1298 01:08:53,680 --> 01:08:50,800 our lessons to learn in this life and 1299 01:08:55,450 --> 01:08:53,690 and and other people around us are there 1300 01:08:58,150 --> 01:08:55,460 to help us learn those lessons by 1301 01:08:59,740 --> 01:08:58,160 different actions and so you know could 1302 01:09:04,300 --> 01:08:59,750 be that that's that's the way it was 1303 01:09:05,920 --> 01:09:04,310 working but so you know one of the one 1304 01:09:10,300 --> 01:09:05,930 of the things too I was just going to 1305 01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:10,310 mention is that my book does include an 1306 01:09:16,090 --> 01:09:13,760 afterword chapter which is written by a 1307 01:09:19,870 --> 01:09:16,100 well-known near-death experience 1308 01:09:22,990 --> 01:09:19,880 researcher dr. Jan Holden not to his 1309 01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:23,000 University of North Texas and she 1310 01:09:28,810 --> 01:09:25,610 provides a much deeper perspective on my 1311 01:09:30,310 --> 01:09:28,820 experience in relation to after death 1312 01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:30,320 communications and near-death 1313 01:09:35,530 --> 01:09:33,170 experiences in fact she was quite 1314 01:09:38,710 --> 01:09:35,540 intrigued when I I was actually trying 1315 01:09:43,390 --> 01:09:38,720 to get in touch with dr. Kenneth ring 1316 01:09:47,020 --> 01:09:43,400 whose book I read 1985 actually gave an 1317 01:09:50,380 --> 01:09:47,030 account of an experience a woman Nancy 1318 01:09:52,270 --> 01:09:50,390 Clark who had who that was the 1319 01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:52,280 experience was somewhat similar to mine 1320 01:09:56,950 --> 01:09:54,410 although she was standing up giving the 1321 01:09:58,840 --> 01:09:56,960 eulogy for her best friend when she had 1322 01:10:03,250 --> 01:09:58,850 kind of this you know strange 1323 01:10:05,260 --> 01:10:03,260 out-of-body experience too but anyway I 1324 01:10:07,750 --> 01:10:05,270 was telling she said well tell me about 1325 01:10:09,930 --> 01:10:07,760 your experience and I did and she just 1326 01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:09,940 said you know you have a really unusual 1327 01:10:14,590 --> 01:10:12,770 experience she said you do need to write 1328 01:10:16,570 --> 01:10:14,600 this story and she said she that was 1329 01:10:19,810 --> 01:10:16,580 when she offered to write the chapter on 1330 01:10:23,470 --> 01:10:19,820 the research that's done and she 1331 01:10:26,230 --> 01:10:23,480 actually you know she said a lot of my 1332 01:10:28,470 --> 01:10:26,240 after-effects I had were very similar to 1333 01:10:31,210 --> 01:10:28,480 people who actually had near-death 1334 01:10:34,080 --> 01:10:31,220 experiences and she actually had me take 1335 01:10:36,790 --> 01:10:34,090 this test that's supposed to measure 1336 01:10:37,570 --> 01:10:36,800 what depth of near-death experience you 1337 01:10:40,080 --> 01:10:37,580 had 1338 01:10:45,090 --> 01:10:40,090 and she talks about that in the book how 1339 01:10:48,250 --> 01:10:45,100 you know I rated very high on that scale 1340 01:10:50,110 --> 01:10:48,260 for having you know it was so much more 1341 01:10:54,460 --> 01:10:50,120 like a near-death experience that I had 1342 01:10:56,650 --> 01:10:54,470 with my brother and you know she cites 1343 01:10:58,750 --> 01:10:56,660 some of the things that like compulsion 1344 01:11:01,270 --> 01:10:58,760 to read about spiritual matters 1345 01:11:05,140 --> 01:11:01,280 you know gravitation away from organized 1346 01:11:07,240 --> 01:11:05,150 religion increase in precognitive dreams 1347 01:11:10,420 --> 01:11:07,250 because after that I did start having a 1348 01:11:13,330 --> 01:11:10,430 lot of precognitive dreams and oh and 1349 01:11:15,460 --> 01:11:13,340 the electromagnetic effects where my 1350 01:11:18,700 --> 01:11:15,470 street lights went out when I was close 1351 01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:18,710 to them when I'm driving on freeways 1352 01:11:28,180 --> 01:11:20,810 sometimes the lights on the freeway as I 1353 01:11:29,800 --> 01:11:28,190 Drive past them you know the country and 1354 01:11:32,110 --> 01:11:29,810 you're walking and the lights go out 1355 01:11:37,030 --> 01:11:32,120 that's all I'll say it was frustrating 1356 01:11:40,660 --> 01:11:37,040 I'm like darted off a light will go out 1357 01:11:44,350 --> 01:11:40,670 but yeah and I studied and learned to 1358 01:11:47,470 --> 01:11:44,360 read auras and this one friend of mine 1359 01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:47,480 his story is related in the book when I 1360 01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:49,370 looked at her aura I knew something was 1361 01:11:53,470 --> 01:11:51,530 wrong I Laura but I didn't know what I'd 1362 01:11:56,860 --> 01:11:53,480 never seen anybody's or a look like that 1363 01:11:59,410 --> 01:11:56,870 it was very murky and a couple of weeks 1364 01:12:00,910 --> 01:11:59,420 after reading her aura which I told her 1365 01:12:03,010 --> 01:12:00,920 I didn't know what it meant I just said 1366 01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:03,020 well you may have some energy blockages 1367 01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:05,030 but a couple weeks after that she came 1368 01:12:10,060 --> 01:12:08,210 deathly ill and she was in intensive 1369 01:12:13,300 --> 01:12:10,070 care for like oh god I came here with 1370 01:12:16,810 --> 01:12:13,310 ten days or something and for a long 1371 01:12:19,510 --> 01:12:16,820 time to recover but it long story short 1372 01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:19,520 I sent her to somebody who did what's 1373 01:12:26,980 --> 01:12:24,530 called JMT and it apparently resulted in 1374 01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:26,990 removing these blockages of energy and 1375 01:12:32,490 --> 01:12:28,850 she came into my office because she 1376 01:12:36,940 --> 01:12:32,500 worked for me after she got back and 1377 01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:36,950 spontaneously this huge non-transparent 1378 01:12:43,420 --> 01:12:40,370 aura appeared around her and at the same 1379 01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:43,430 time that happened my eyes just began 1380 01:12:50,980 --> 01:12:46,970 streaming tears I couldn't stop it 1381 01:12:53,650 --> 01:12:50,990 and said you know 1382 01:13:00,030 --> 01:12:53,660 and thereafter she became a healer and a 1383 01:13:03,940 --> 01:13:00,040 Reiki Master so I saw this I saw this 1384 01:13:05,620 --> 01:13:03,950 huge aura and experienced this energy I 1385 01:13:07,930 --> 01:13:05,630 think which was like direct spirit 1386 01:13:11,380 --> 01:13:07,940 energy anyway so that's just another of 1387 01:13:13,090 --> 01:13:11,390 the you know I have to tell you the 1388 01:13:15,070 --> 01:13:13,100 street lights when they go out would you 1389 01:13:17,650 --> 01:13:15,080 believe there's a name for it there 1390 01:13:19,860 --> 01:13:17,660 we're called sliders street light 1391 01:13:23,140 --> 01:13:19,870 hitters yes 1392 01:13:25,810 --> 01:13:23,150 inhibitors cuz I was so frustrated by it 1393 01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:25,820 and I even had problems with electronic 1394 01:13:30,130 --> 01:13:28,580 phenomena oh my gosh I was a college 1395 01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:30,140 student trying to write my papers I 1396 01:13:35,020 --> 01:13:33,170 would just bust out computers and thank 1397 01:13:37,390 --> 01:13:35,030 God my dad was a computer engineer Tech 1398 01:13:41,020 --> 01:13:37,400 Loren he had to fix so many computers of 1399 01:13:42,580 --> 01:13:41,030 mine but yeah so I get it you know some 1400 01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:42,590 is this funny somebody in a chat room 1401 01:13:47,170 --> 01:13:44,690 and asked a question similar to where I 1402 01:13:51,280 --> 01:13:47,180 when I asked you said that you'd had a 1403 01:13:54,220 --> 01:13:51,290 dream about Jesus well Jesus was in the 1404 01:13:56,200 --> 01:13:54,230 dream that I had that was the 1405 01:13:59,380 --> 01:13:56,210 precognitive dream about my brother's 1406 01:14:02,350 --> 01:13:59,390 coming death okay so but you said you've 1407 01:14:05,920 --> 01:14:02,360 moved away from organized religion 1408 01:14:08,620 --> 01:14:05,930 but you saw Jesus so how do you how do 1409 01:14:12,300 --> 01:14:08,630 you ask you know answer that the bridge 1410 01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:12,310 that gap that you have now well you know 1411 01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:15,050 it's true you know I look to 1412 01:14:21,220 --> 01:14:19,010 spirituality more than you know fixed 1413 01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:21,230 religion like I was brought a Baptist 1414 01:14:32,830 --> 01:14:28,370 but you know I knew Jesus as you know he 1415 01:14:37,830 --> 01:14:32,840 came here and he had all the attributes 1416 01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:37,840 of God or spirit I mean he he was 1417 01:14:45,790 --> 01:14:41,210 literally you know he was in the body he 1418 01:14:48,010 --> 01:14:45,800 was literally one with spirit to the 1419 01:14:50,350 --> 01:14:48,020 point that he could do all the things 1420 01:14:52,800 --> 01:14:50,360 that he did but he was trying to show 1421 01:14:56,530 --> 01:14:52,810 people that you know if you align with 1422 01:14:59,440 --> 01:14:56,540 spirit and you know and it's right here 1423 01:15:02,890 --> 01:14:59,450 it's open to everyone and he was trying 1424 01:15:03,880 --> 01:15:02,900 to show how to do that and that we can 1425 01:15:08,650 --> 01:15:03,890 do that too 1426 01:15:10,990 --> 01:15:08,660 but people took it as you know they just 1427 01:15:13,870 --> 01:15:11,000 wanted Jesus to do everything for them 1428 01:15:16,390 --> 01:15:13,880 you know instead of listening to the 1429 01:15:19,720 --> 01:15:16,400 lesson of you two can do this and you 1430 01:15:22,840 --> 01:15:19,730 know he it says in the Bible Jesus said 1431 01:15:27,070 --> 01:15:22,850 you know don't worship me but people do 1432 01:15:29,920 --> 01:15:27,080 worship Him for what he could do but I 1433 01:15:35,530 --> 01:15:29,930 think that he came as the embodiment of 1434 01:15:38,650 --> 01:15:35,540 that spirit to not just educate people 1435 01:15:43,690 --> 01:15:38,660 but to lift them help them ascend and 1436 01:15:47,020 --> 01:15:43,700 transform into into people who can do 1437 01:15:48,670 --> 01:15:47,030 those kinds of things so and you know 1438 01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:48,680 that's a it's a common pattern that I 1439 01:15:54,580 --> 01:15:51,770 see with folks when they refer to like 1440 01:15:58,030 --> 01:15:54,590 this God presence as spirit as as 1441 01:16:02,740 --> 01:15:58,040 everybody being God everybody being part 1442 01:16:04,570 --> 01:16:02,750 of that and it's it's conflicting that's 1443 01:16:07,540 --> 01:16:04,580 for sure and when people have had these 1444 01:16:10,240 --> 01:16:07,550 out-of-body experiences and and I think 1445 01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:10,250 that a lot of I don't know it's like 1446 01:16:14,410 --> 01:16:12,290 awarenesses seem to equate it's like 1447 01:16:17,730 --> 01:16:14,420 when you're you're able to understand so 1448 01:16:20,650 --> 01:16:17,740 much around you it's like you know the 1449 01:16:23,080 --> 01:16:20,660 interpretations and I must get clouded I 1450 01:16:25,270 --> 01:16:23,090 wonder how if that was one of the more 1451 01:16:27,550 --> 01:16:25,280 difficult things for you to accept and 1452 01:16:33,340 --> 01:16:27,560 people around you was that like a big 1453 01:16:35,680 --> 01:16:33,350 step well you know again this is this is 1454 01:16:38,860 --> 01:16:35,690 not something I got into discussions 1455 01:16:44,740 --> 01:16:38,870 with people about for you know most of 1456 01:16:49,800 --> 01:16:44,750 my life now you know I was led to go to 1457 01:16:52,510 --> 01:16:49,810 Unity Church because to me they they 1458 01:16:53,710 --> 01:16:52,520 refer to Jesus as their elder brother 1459 01:16:59,800 --> 01:16:53,720 and wayshower 1460 01:17:02,880 --> 01:16:59,810 and and they they are open to the 1461 01:17:06,340 --> 01:17:02,890 pathway of spirituality versus a 1462 01:17:11,140 --> 01:17:06,350 religious dogma you know with rules and 1463 01:17:15,570 --> 01:17:11,150 regulations written and and you know so 1464 01:17:17,040 --> 01:17:15,580 with Jesus being the way shower and and 1465 01:17:19,830 --> 01:17:17,050 that 1466 01:17:23,279 --> 01:17:19,840 kind of opens the same kind of what I 1467 01:17:27,419 --> 01:17:23,289 just explained you know that he he was 1468 01:17:29,790 --> 01:17:27,429 able to be as spirit is and he was 1469 01:17:32,220 --> 01:17:29,800 trying to show that so can we 1470 01:17:34,529 --> 01:17:32,230 we have that ability to open up and be 1471 01:17:41,009 --> 01:17:34,539 you know open up our consciousness and 1472 01:17:44,339 --> 01:17:41,019 be one with spirit and the universe so 1473 01:17:46,350 --> 01:17:44,349 you know I just quietly started going to 1474 01:17:50,129 --> 01:17:46,360 unity and you know it's not like I'm 1475 01:17:54,629 --> 01:17:50,139 trying to I'm not trying to convince 1476 01:17:57,140 --> 01:17:54,639 anybody to not be religious or not be 1477 01:17:59,759 --> 01:17:57,150 whatever because the other side of that 1478 01:18:02,989 --> 01:17:59,769 that unity talks about is that all 1479 01:18:07,129 --> 01:18:02,999 people are on the pathway back to spirit 1480 01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:07,139 regardless of if they go to church or 1481 01:18:13,589 --> 01:18:10,570 what religion or what their beliefs are 1482 01:18:15,509 --> 01:18:13,599 that we're all on the pathway it's 1483 01:18:18,959 --> 01:18:15,519 trainer trying to earn our wings back 1484 01:18:22,350 --> 01:18:18,969 you know yeah personally when we got it 1485 01:18:24,120 --> 01:18:22,360 I let you know I I experienced being in 1486 01:18:26,970 --> 01:18:24,130 a bright light that I knew to be called 1487 01:18:29,850 --> 01:18:26,980 the source right so had several Jesus 1488 01:18:32,660 --> 01:18:29,860 encounters and it didn't it didn't 1489 01:18:36,089 --> 01:18:32,670 confuse me at all it's like I I 1490 01:18:38,790 --> 01:18:36,099 understood who Jesus is and I understood 1491 01:18:41,729 --> 01:18:38,800 the source or what some call spirit and 1492 01:18:44,759 --> 01:18:41,739 you know and I'm not a churchgoer or 1493 01:18:48,359 --> 01:18:44,769 bible thumper but it's like my faith in 1494 01:18:51,120 --> 01:18:48,369 Jesus is the end experiences I had with 1495 01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:51,130 him were ten times beyond the source so 1496 01:18:56,069 --> 01:18:53,530 it's it's like you know I don't 1497 01:18:58,350 --> 01:18:56,079 encourage you know the bible-thumping 1498 01:19:01,700 --> 01:18:58,360 thing either but it's like my goodness 1499 01:19:08,520 --> 01:19:01,710 the presence of him is something else 1500 01:19:09,870 --> 01:19:08,530 well I am no way but and you know what 1501 01:19:13,049 --> 01:19:09,880 he is 1502 01:19:17,489 --> 01:19:13,059 you know Jesus is someone you can call 1503 01:19:21,180 --> 01:19:17,499 on just like you can call on your your 1504 01:19:23,100 --> 01:19:21,190 guardian angels or Archangels or believe 1505 01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:23,110 it or not we've come to the bottom of 1506 01:19:32,970 --> 01:19:30,600 hololens for coming program it was 1507 01:19:34,980 --> 01:19:32,980 absolutely fantastic you guys have her 1508 01:19:36,900 --> 01:19:34,990 website remember you catch me here every 1509 01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:36,910 Friday p.m. central nine p.m. Eastern 1510 01:19:40,530 --> 01:19:38,290 you've been listening to me Heidi Hollis 1511 01:19:43,650 --> 01:19:40,540 the Outlander remembering always if it's 1512 01:19:46,110 --> 01:19:43,660 weird we're here and stay tuned for UFO 1513 01:19:46,650 --> 01:19:46,120 headline news that I host as well coming 1514 01:19:49,440 --> 01:19:46,660 right up 1515 01:19:51,570 --> 01:19:49,450 good night everybody when we take care 1516 01:19:53,640 --> 01:19:51,580 of our own hearts we're also taking care 1517 01:19:56,070 --> 01:19:53,650 of the people closest to us so it's 1518 01:19:57,510 --> 01:19:56,080 comforting to know that RWJ barnabas 1519 01:20:00,060 --> 01:19:57,520 health has new jersey's most 1520 01:20:02,340 --> 01:20:00,070 comprehensive cardiac care program with 1521 01:20:04,310 --> 01:20:02,350 access to top specialists minimally 1522 01:20:06,990 --> 01:20:04,320 invasive heart surgery options and 1523 01:20:09,060 --> 01:20:07,000 rehabilitation and wellness programs so 1524 01:20:13,650 --> 01:20:09,070 get your heart checked it's as easy as 1525 01:20:15,810 --> 01:20:13,660 visiting our WGBH org slash heart RWJ